How To Identify Real FriendsSample

Wounds that heal

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

An enemy may tell us what we want to hear. A real friend will tell us what we need to hear.

All of us have blind spots. All of us have flaws, weaknesses, and sins. We need people in our lives who will challenge us gently and lovingly. People who know us. People we trust.

All of us need people like this in our lives. In fact, if we do not have people like this, we are in trouble. We might be headed for a disaster. Certainly, we will never become the man or woman that God intends us to become.

If you are married, surely your spouse challenges you—hopefully, in a gentle and loving way. But you need more than your spouse. You need friends, real friends, who love you enough to confront you. You need a small group, a group where there is genuine community and not pseudo-community. We all need people like this in our lives. It is simply God’s way of transforming people.

To challenge someone is an act of love. It’s never fun, but you don’t do it because it’s fun, you do it because you care about the person. That’s why parents have no problem confronting their kids. They care. Parents are more concerned with loving their kids than pleasing their kids. They are lovers, not pleasers, when it comes to their children. If you are a lover, you confront. If you are a pleaser, you shrink back in cowardice.

I offer two cautions:

1. If someone is not open to challenge or not teachable, don’t go to them. “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you”
2. Go directly to the person. If you go to someone who is not part of the problem or part of the solution, that’s gossip, not love. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”

Don’t get carried away with challenging people. God has not given you the spiritual gift of criticism. But if you love someone, there will be times when you need to challenge them. Perhaps it’s a problem with pride, a problem with honesty, a problem with drinking, or a problem with the way they treat their spouse.

When these occasions arise, go to the person. Lovingly, gently, and humbly go for their sake because you care. 

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the

wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”