The Spiritual Fitness ManualSample

Good Marriages – Part 1

By Pastors Andrew and Elena Williams, Trinity Church, Greenwich, CT

Someone was heard to say, “Of course I love my wife. I told her that once about 30 years ago, and if I should change my mind I will let her know!” It is a critical part of the way God made us that we need to know that we are loved. So we have to be intentional about building a marriage in both our words and actions. When was the last time you told and showed your spouse that you love them?

Keep romance alive—plan to spend quality time together. Marriage is the closest intimate relationship of which two people are capable. Time together with our spouse will not just happen. Be proactive: set aside weekly, monthly and annual time where it is just the two of you—with the cell phone turned off!

To forgive is an essential choice. Forgiveness is not approving of what was done, neither is it justifying, denying or excusing the act or omission. To literally “forgive and forget” is not realistic either. It is usually impossible to forget meaningful events in our lives—positive or negative. Love is always a choice and so is forgiveness.

What about when we just can’t find it within us to forgive? Pray—ask God to give you His grace to forgive. Ask someone to pray with you. Talk to someone who is five minutes ahead of you on his/her spiritual journey and/or seek counseling. Some wounds need processing—it is not that they can’t be forgiven; it is just that God knows that you are hurting and you need help.

Don’t bear grudges: “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die” (Anne Lamott). Forgiveness is a release of bitterness. Bitterness is gone when there is no desire to get even or punish the person who has hurt us.