Reintegration After DeploymentSample

The Grace of Forgiveness

Chris and Ashley experienced unexpected hurt when he got home from deployment. When Chris left, Ashley got lonely for adult conversation and decided to reach out to old high school friends on social media. There she found some former boyfriends who wanted to communicate. The attention Ashley got from those emotional encounters felt good, and she didn’t see any harm in this e-dialogue. But when Chris got home it was difficult for Ashley to break off these relationships. Chris became accusatory . . . and she became defensive. Ashley thought Chris must not trust her, and he was overreacting. Chris resented the fact that she was reaching out to other men. The situation created a rapidly rising wall between them.

The reality is that things may have happened during your deployment which will require difficult conversations . . . and forgiveness for hurt. It may be necessary to seek counsel from your chaplain, pastor, or Christian counselor. Genuine repentance, taking responsibility for actions, and asking for forgiveness are steps one needs to take in order to begin the process of regaining trust. 

Having those honest conversations takes the vulnerability to say, “I felt hurt when you _________.” It also takes the maturity to answer, “I’m so sorry I hurt you when I _________. I realize now that was wrong. Please forgive me.” 

Strength to willingly face these challenges of reintegration takes courage. Remember, the goal is oneness in your marriage. This often requires the grace of forgiveness, not just in deployment. Ruth Bell Graham says, “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.” 

Romans 3:23 reminds us “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Our next step, then, as believers in Christ, is “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13). 

The grace of forgiveness says, “I love you, and I am willing to pray with you and rely on God as together we learn to forgive.” This is not easy when you are tired and hurting, but God will bless your efforts to show His grace to one another. You can trust Him, knowing your marriage will actually end up stronger for having endured this struggle. 

1. What is the source of Chris and Ashley’s conflict?

2. As you self-examine your actions during deployment, what do you need to share with your spouse in order to seek God’s healing power of forgiveness?

For more on forgiveness in marriage, read “The Freedom of Forgiveness”.