The Mingling Of Souls - Matt Chandler On IntimacySample

“Sex is Romantic”

Once again, it’s very clear that these two saved themselves for each other, because we’ve seen the whole romance from the beginning. It’s also very clear that the romance didn’t stop on the wedding day. It was carried through into the wedding night. They weren’t even undressed yet when Solomon remarked on her captivating presence.

This is such an important principle to remember, especially for men. Notice how Solomon proceeded, husbands. He wasn’t quick or rough. He hadn’t even touched her yet. He spent the first moments where intimacy began to build by saying, essentially, “Your soul is beautiful.”

He wasn’t in a hurry. He gazed at her beauty and went step-by-step, slowly praising her—eyes, mouth, cheeks, neck. This whole thing is very, very romantic. Notice he hadn’t even gone below her net yet. (Yet!) He started from the top and worked his way slowly down, doling out praise in a very measured fashion.

As he did this, what do you think happened to her nerves, her fear, her insecurity? If he had just hauled off and grabbed her right off the bat, her guard would likely have gone right back up again. But he slowly disarmed her before he disrobed her. We know from the previous chapters that she likely carried around some insecurity about her body, about her appearance, as nearly every woman does. Solomon knew this. And because Solomon was very wise, he also knew that insecure women do not feel safe. Nor do they feel free and sexually uninhibited.

Solomon understood a simple principle. Unless and until his bride felt confident in her own skin—and felt confident that Solomon was confident in her—she wouldn’t be ready to give herself fully to him.

And, of course, he was also aware that most women, unlike men, aren’t always sexually “ready to go.” They need some time, some tending to. You’ve probably heard the old adage that women aren’t microwaves but Crock-Pots. So his wise understanding of how she was wired and what she needed to hear is that marital sex according to God’s Word is romantic.

* Do you believe that God made sex and that He made it to be romantic? Have you ever thought on the sexual differences between women and men? How does this difference give you another opportunity to love your spouse sacrificially?