Parenting On PurposeSample

Every Family is Dysfunctional. It's How You Handle the Dysfunction that Matters

Jalene:

There is just no such thing as a perfect family. The more personalities that come along, the more imperfect it becomes. When my children were young, I often said that when it comes to your siblings, you need to extend the long arm of grace. I would often remind them of the verse in Romans chapter 12 that reads, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” I reminded them that this verse includes family members. Grace and forgiveness matters more with them than anyone else because not only do you have to live with them—you’re stuck with them for life. I’ve seen my children disagree with each other many times, and sometimes even disagree with me. But when it comes to your family, ultimately, grace needs to abound.

When you’re parenting young children, it can be something as simple as fighting over toys or kicking your brother. Your constant reminding is not wasted.

With older children, sometimes it can be heavy on us with bigger and harder issues. Maybe your children are not even speaking to each other. It can break your heart as a parent, and not everything is within our control. However, as much as it lies within us, we keep pointing them back to grace. Grace, grace, and even more grace. Grace is the healing balm that holds families together.

Macy:

Now, I’m the youngest of four siblings, so I have plenty of examples of dysfunction with my siblings. On one such occasion, my older brother and I had been arguing with each other all evening about doing chores. He was much more responsible than I, and he was frustrated with my lack of motivation. It came to a head and I had the bright idea of punching him directly in the chest. (Now imagine, he was a bodybuilder at the time, and I was a twelve-year-old girl, so I’m sure that punch didn’t do a lot of damage). His swift and immediate reaction was to throw me over his shoulder, and carry me all the way downstairs to my mom’s room. He set me down, and said, “Deal with her.” My mom calmed me down, looked me in the eye, and simply said, “You need to go do what you’re supposed to do.” At times, even though we’re all grown now, we still go to our parents to talk through disputes between us siblings. Parents sometimes have far more ability to bring peace and grace into a situation than they realize.

Action Step: When conflict arises in your family life, consider your influence. As much as it lies within you, be the reminder of grace and peace. Teach your young children the habit of forgiveness.