Dos and Don'ts: A One-Week Plan to Help Your MarriageSample

Today let's unpack the don'ts.

1. Do not correct your spouse. Do not discount, discredit, or devalue what they say. No matter how wrong you think they are. Don't backseat drive, nag, or pick, pick, pick. When they are telling a story, don't interrupt them to make sure they get the details right. If they say it was seven years ago, and you know it was only five, let it go. Let these little things go as you work toward the big goal of love and mercy and grace.

2. Do not complain to them, around them, or about them. A discontented spirit is a complaining spirit. A prideful spirit is a complaining spirit. Don't complain. Period.

3. Do not make comments. Little comments. In-passing comments. Sarcastic comments. Guilt and shaming comments. Make-you-feel-really-bad comments. Under your breath comments. "Just sayin'" comments to "subtly" get your point across, blow off some steam, or indirectly vent your frustration. Don't make comments with your body language either. It's amazing how one can comment without even saying a word. Eye rolling, shoulder shrugging, a heavy sigh. What are your comments? Make a list.

4. Do not control. Do not try to make your point, get your way, make something happen, or do whatever you can to stop something from happening.* Think about any of the things that you try to do to make your point or get your way. Things like putting up a wall. Being unapproachable, indisposed, or distant. Using the silent treatment. Hiding or sulking in the other room. Stomping. Slamming doors. Banging plates. You get the general idea.

5. Do not criticize. Do not put your spouse down with accusations. "You are never satisfied"; “You always find something to be upset about”; and “No one likes you because you are so negative." Do you have a sharp or negative tone? You may think you aren't being critical, but it could be the way you are communicating your point. Speak with gentleness.

At the root of many of these bad habits what we are seeking to combat is pride. Pride is subtle but very destructive and divisive. It is the arch-enemy of love. We all struggle with it to one extent or another. It is a universal sin. So being aware of the danger of pride in your own heart daily, daily be QUICK to hear and SLOW to speak.

Close in prayer asking the Lord to help you hear what you are communicating to your spouse with your words and deeds. Ask the Lord to help you grow in love.

*We encourage those in abusive situations to seek help to stop the abuse.