Building Character in Your ChildSample

Forgiveness

By Lisa Lakey

My daughter came home from school one day, brokenhearted. She had been betrayed by a friend, and she was angry and confused. The other girl showed no repentance for her actions, and forgiveness was the furthest thing from my daughter’s mind. How could she forgive, she wondered, when the friend never even apologized! 

Thankfully, forgiveness doesn’t depend on the offender’s repentance, but it’s a choice we make for ourselves. And it doesn’t take away the hurt of an offense, but it does allow for healing. 

As I gently explained this to my daughter, I reminded her that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness. It’s why God sent Jesus. Instead of telling her about all the times I forgave others, I told her about the times I received forgiveness I didn’t deserve. And there are plenty. 

When hurt is deep, we need to pray for God to work in our hearts to forgive and trust Him with the offense more than our own feelings. Here are some ways to practice forgiveness in your family.

Teach how to forgive at home. At our house, when the kids hurt one another, even if by accident, they have to offer a real apology to their sibling, along with what they are sorry for. And then the one who was hurt looks their sibling in the eye and accepts their apology. Forgiving is as important as expressing sorrow. It’s the next step toward resolution. 

Give kids a physical outlet for forgiveness. When forgiving is hard, and sometimes it will be, let them write out the offense on a piece of paper. Then have them say, “I forgive Susie.” Then they should wad the paper up and throw it away. This is a visual reminder that they have chosen to make the first step to allow healing to start. 

Model forgiveness. While I wish my family always saw my best attitude and actions, unfortunately, they see the ugliness in my heart more than anyone outside of God himself. And when I show that side of me, I humble myself before my family and ask for forgiveness. I look them in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I hope you forgive me.” 

To learn more read, What It Means To Forgive on FamilyLife.com.