Finding Hope: A Plan for Loved Ones of AddictsSample

Day 3: Houston, We Have A Problem

My dad once found a bag of marijuana in my Jeep. He sat me down in our living room and confronted me with that age-old question: “Is this yours?”

“No!” I lied. “I don’t even know what that is.” I exaggeratedly scrutinized it. “What is it?”

My dad told me he thought it was marijuana, and I played dumb at first, then made up some story on the spot about how someone must not like me and that they must’ve put that marijuana under the floorboard of my Jeep to try to get me in trouble!

Well, not only did my dad believe me—because parents tend to want to believe their kids—but he also wanted to verify that it was marijuana and make sure it got disposed of properly.

So he called the police.

Soon there was an officer in our living room, sitting across from me and my dad, staring a hole through me.

I was sweating bullets! But not so much that I couldn’t maintain my lie and get out of the jam.

I went out that night and got high.

Houston: I had a problem.

We want to believe the best about our kids. That’s what makes us great as parents! But we also have to learn to admit that, oftentimes, the problem is right in front us.

We just don’t want to see it.

Parents’ Perspective: Wendell Lang

For families and parents, there is no greater evidence of addiction than lying.

Addicts will lie with a straight face. They will lie about nonsensical issues. They will even lie when it would be easier to tell the truth.

Like most addicts, Lance was a professional-grade liar. As a parent, I have often wondered if I knew he was lying and ignored it, or if I simply wanted to believe the best in my child. Addictive children bring their parents and families into addictive and enabling behavior patterns. We can become liars and deniers in our own lives, to the point where we lie to ourselves!

My experience was that, as parents, we simply didn’t know what to do, so we dove into the river of denial.

You’ll never go any further toward recovery or refreshment until you admit you are helpless. Helplessness embraces the truth.

Here are a few confessions to help you do just that:

I can’t change my past. But God wants me to forget those things which are behind and press on toward the goal He has for me. He is a God who says, “See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:19)

I can’t control other people. We have a tendency to want to fix others. Remember…”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

I can’t cope with my pain…alone. We need each other. Go to a group meeting. See a counselor. Find an AlAnon, Celebrate Recovery, or Finding Hope meeting. “And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

God helps those who admit they’re helpless.