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Discipline as a Lifestyle 

I firmly told my son that he would not be allowed to leave the room until he cleaned up the mess he made! The problem was, we had to leave soon to go to our friend’s house. If he didn’t hurry, we’d be late.

As the minutes ticked away, I contemplated what to do. Should I forget about it, do it for him, or should we leave and pick up this lesson later? If my goal was just a clean room, I might have cleaned it myself. But I wanted my son to know that procrastination is not a strategy to get out of unpleasant responsibilities. 

So, I handed my wife the car keys and told her that I hoped to join her later. Then I sat on the floor next to my son and said, “Your move.”

After about 30 minutes of silently staring at each other, he finally gave in, cleaned up his toys, and we left to catch up with my wife in our other car.

It's not fun to discipline our children. Our time with them is often so short that we prefer to spend it doing things that seem more loving. Yet, loving our children without discipline is not love at all. Ultimately, it sends the message that we would rather let our children travel down a dangerous path and risk their eternal destiny than do something that might make them mad at us. This is not love; this is fear.

True love takes courage—to face the screams, tears, temper tantrums, quivering lower lips, the condemnation of peers, the judgmental stares of strangers, the “I hate you! You don’t love me’s,” and the occasional missed appointment. 

When we truly love, we can face all these and more because our eyes are looking beyond the temporary discomfort toward the target, which is passing on a living faith to our children.

Discipline is more than just an event like a timeout or a spanking; it is a lifestyle of consistently calling our children to adhere to a standard. Thankfully, we have a wide assortment of tools available to us to adjust our children’s trajectory. 

Sometimes, all it takes is a stern look. Other times, it requires a detailed explanation, a redirection of their attention, or some kind of consequence for their behavior. And still other times might call for us to strategically overlook an offense as we work to teach an even greater lesson. 

Every circumstance and every child is different. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Parenting requires constant modification and adjustment as our children grow and mature. If one approach isn’t working, try something new. 

Remember, “The Lord disciplines those he loves” (Proverbs 3:12 NIV). A lifestyle of discipline is really a lifestyle of love.

Pray: Lord, a consistent lifestyle of discipline is hard to maintain. My fears, busyness, distractions, and sins often prevent me from loving my child through consistent discipline. Give me the wisdom and stamina to discipline like You do.

For more help read, “The Gumnazo Principle: Child Discipline Is a Form of Training” on FamilyLife.com.