A Contrarian’s Guide To Knowing GodSample

The Danger of Spirituality Recipes

Christians are fond of claiming that Christianity is not a religion, that it’s a personal relationship with Jesus. I spouted the line for years. But in all honesty, I had no idea what it meant. And upon further reflection, I don’t think a lot of other Christians do either. 

Just look at our models of spiritual formation. Almost all our books, seminars, workshops, and programs are heavily weighted toward religious practice and self-discipline. They show us how to do religion in hopes that it will produce relationship. 

But religion and relationships have little to nothing in common. Religion places a major emphasis on rules and rituals that are supposed to either manipulate God or earn his favor. The telltale mark of religion is easy to spot. It’s a one-size-fits-all approach to spirituality: “Follow our rules, fulfill our rituals, and God (or the gods) will be pleased and placated.” 

Relationships are completely different. No one-size-fits-all recipe can guarantee a great relationship. Each relationship has its own dance and drama, played out according to the unique strengths, needs, and personalities of the partners.

It’s no different in our relationship with God. Certainly he’s always the same, but we’re sure different. And something tells me God doesn’t just put up with our differences; he savors them.

I grew up with a younger brother and sister. We each had a strong relationship with my dad, even though we were very different in personality and interests. Imagine if I had told my siblings growing up, “The real secret to a great relationship with Dad is to relate to him exactly the way I relate to him.” Or worse, “The only way to Dad’s heart is my way.” 

The truth is that our dad related to each of us differently. There may be only one of him, but there are three of us and we all connect in ways that are as different as our unique personalities, strengths, and needs. 

That’s how it is with our heavenly Father. We can only know him through developing a personal relationship. And no two relationships will ever be exactly alike. 

Our one-size-fits-all discipleship and spirituality recipes have to go. We must recognize them for what they are—mere religion in the guise of relationship. 

In what way has even the idea of relationship with God become a set of rules in our Christian culture?