Walking On WaterSample

Becky's Story

BECKY WRITES: Before we look at how having a wounded heart affects our relationship with God, I need to tell you my story. I was born into a family that had already experienced deep grief, and would experience more. Today, I have one older sister, but if all my siblings had survived, there would be six of us, not two. I had a brother who died before I was born, and then a younger sister who, because she had contracted bacterial meningitis at 6-months, died at the age of 3. Optimistically, my parents decided to try for another child one more time, and my sister Beth came along when I was seven. Beth developed epilepsy in her first year and was on heavy medication to control her seizures. 

By the time I was thirteen, my parents would often leave me to look after Beth for a short time when they needed to go out. One particular evening, they wanted to visit a new couple who had attended church that Sunday. While they were out, Beth was having her bath as usual, and I was playing the piano until it was time to get her out. When she called me to say that she wanted to get out, I called back and said I’d be there in a few minutes, as I wanted to finish the song I was playing. Unfortunately, by the time I did that and went to the bathroom, she had had a seizure and was floating face down in the water. I pulled her out and somehow managed to call 911. She was put on a ventilator for three days, but then died.

This was so painful for me that I wanted to detach myself from it and pretend it didn't happen, but that doesn't mean it didn't affect me. When we do that, it's like putting a rubbish bin in the corner of our souls, shoving what we don't want to deal with into it and putting the lid on tight. Over time, if we don't invite Jesus to come and deal with what we've put in there, it will start to stink – causing us problems and stopping us from being all God intends us to be.

However, as Romans 8 says, even in the worst of circumstances, God is at work to heal and save. Not all things are sent by God, not all is good, but nothing is beyond his power. My story is one of God’s redemptive love and healing power.