Gossip

Gossip is defined as a “rumor or report of an intimate nature; chatty talk.” It has become so normalized in our society that we all know we shouldn’t do it, but we do it anyway.

My encouragement for you, as it is often my advice to myself, is to own where you have gone wrong. My closest friends could tell you I have a strong line on not gossiping. There are always better things to talk about, and any conversation can pivot to a productive dialogue. Even so, that doesn’t mean I don’t ever get caught up in gossip.

Last year I got right in the middle of what I’d call a gossip storm involving one unfortunate event after another. I knew I should have pulled myself out of it, but I didn’t. In my adult life, I’d never made such poor decisions with the words I said and the words I listened to. After that gossip storm blew up, I had to take responsibility for where I went wrong. One person who didn’t know me well said, “I just don’t trust you. Never have, never will.” That comment still stings every time I see her. I’ve never in my life had anyone accuse me of being untrustworthy.

That she got me so wrong hurts, but it’s my fault. Gossip hindered my ability to love her and the others in that situation because I breached their trust. It was a much-needed lesson, even if it was a hard one. Not being careful with the words that I spoke hindered my ability to love others.

There is a fine and fuzzy line between talk and gossip. Test the words being said and the words you are saying: Would you say them if the subject of the conversation was present? If not, “bridle your tongue,” as James urges, and encourage others to stop the conversation. If they won’t, remove yourself. Also ask, “Are others’ names safe in my mouth? Can others trust that I speak well about them?” The best way for others to trust if you are speaking well about them is if you are speaking well about others to them.

How has gossip negatively affected your relationships? Take note of how it hurts you or others and how you feel after you’ve gossiped or been gossiped about.