That Startling ‘Pop’

Darker days are often seasoned with soul-sorrow in which we think,

Wait a minute.
I thought that God would . . .
I thought that as a believer, I could . . .
I thought that God’s people should . . .

The soul-deep sadness of such disillusionment challenges and then refines our beliefs with the fire of reality. Without question, the process is less than pleasant. But we dare not mistake unpleasant for unfruitful.

For example, when it dawns on us that obedience to God can lead us straight into deserts, is that more like Jesus or less like Jesus? When our humanity humbles us, increasing our gratitude for grace, is that a step forward or backward in maturity? When we discover that, even in the Church, privileges and influence do not always correlate with purity and integrity, is that a sign of wisdom or foolishness?

Yes, the stories behind such realizations are dripping with pain. But the disillusionment resulting from those stories contains promise. The loss of illusions is a positive thing; it is evidence that we are growing.

As we follow Jesus, we naturally collect assumptions about how we think life in God should play out. And it is a gift to us when reality kindly corrects those assumptions through disillusionment. Like a balloon too small for how much air it needs to hold, our assumptions about who God is and what it means to follow Him often pop from the pressure of the finite (us) trying to contain and explain the Infinite (Him).

All of which reminds me of that fabulous interaction in C. S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia when Lucy says to Aslan, “You’re bigger,” and Aslan responds, “Every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

Evidently, a healthy faith will pop many balloons in its lifetime. As we are schooled by reality, we see God more accurately. The challenge is reframing that startling pop and associating it with a celebration instead of a funeral.

POP.
Oh wow, there goes another assumption.
I guess God is even bigger than I thought He was.
Evidently, I’m growing!

So we continue to study God (theology), and life keeps reminding us that our greatest thoughts are still too small (POP), and with each cycle through disillusionment, our capacity to love God (for who He really is) expands.