The Shadow of Shame

Well-known author, researcher, and speaker Brené Brown makes a keen distinction between shame and guilt. She suggests that—guilt says: “I’ve done something bad,” shame says: “I am bad.” She defines shame this way: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Few things lodge themselves between us and God’s love for us as detrimentally as a sense of being a bad person, unworthy, or unloved. Yet, shame tends to be inherent in the experience of divorce. Whether it's feeling rejected or unloved by our former spouse, struggling with a sense of failure, or dealing with the accusations cast upon us by others, shame lurks in troubled and broken relationships and negatively impacts the way we live.

When I think of Bible characters who likely experienced shame, I think of Hagar, who, along with her son, was dismissed by her husband, David, who slept with another man’s wife, and the Woman Caught in Adultery. Hagar weeps because of all that has happened to her. David exclaims—” For I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me.”(Psalm 51:3) And the Woman Caught in Adultery stands, vulnerably, in the midst of those who heaped shame upon her publicly. Yet, the beauty of these stories is that God redeemed them all!

Having gone through a divorce, it is highly probable that you may feel unworthy, unloved, or unlovable at some point or another. Maybe you feel that way today. If so, take heart. We are loved. Because of Jesus, we are worthy of love and belonging! In Isaiah 43:1, God says— “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Shame has no hold on us! No matter what we’ve done or been through, Jesus has already redeemed us to God, and that makes us valuable beyond measure!

Today’s Promise:But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us…Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:8, 11, NIV).