Good Boundaries and GoodbyesExemplo

I’m long-suffering. I’m loyal to a fault. I want to be strong enough and mature enough to live at peace with all people.

But this isn’t always possible.

That’s why I’m so thankful for two really key words found in Romans 12:18, which says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Pay attention to those first two keywords: if possible. This implies that sometimes you can draw boundaries and do what’s necessary to have peace, but if another person isn’t willing or capable of working toward peace, it may not be possible to live at peace with them.

Unless two people in a relationship are willing to humbly come together and do the work, sometimes we have to learn to move on when a relationship doesn't.

This is so incredibly hard. And my heart is so sensitive to people who want with all their hearts for relationships to work. I understand this pain on such a deeply personal level. So, if that’s you today, I want to encourage you with a perspective shift that I think will really help you no matter what you’re facing:

We can still experience redemption with God even when unhealthy or unsustainable relationships with others have to end.

This is what I’ve gotten mixed up in the past. We have to be careful to not confuse redemption with reconciliation. Reconciliation requires the cooperation of both people who are individually willing to put in the healing work. Redemption, though, can be just between you and God.

This means even if your situation doesn’t allow for relationship reconciliation and you find yourself saying a necessary goodbye, redemption with God is still yours for the choosing.

God can redeem your life, even if damaged human relationships don't come back together. And we can still forgive even if the relationship never gets restored. I’ve found it to be so incredibly freeing to forgive and not have to wait on the other person who may or may not ever be willing to talk all of this through. Forgiveness isn't always about doing something for a human relationship but rather about being obedient to what God has instructed us to do. And I’m convinced those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who will dance most freely in the beauty of redemption.

I don’t know how this speaks to you personally today. But here’s what I do know: This is all a process. Healing is a long journey. If you find yourself in a situation right now where you feel like you have nothing else to give, a goodbye is probable, and your heart is deeply hurting, I want to close today with these honest words from David: “The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer” (Psalm 6:9 ESV).

Oh, friend . . . God hears your plea. God accepts your prayer.

Reconciliation or not, God will breathe redemption into the shattered pieces of your story and create something new and more beautiful than ever before. In His way. In His timing.

RESPOND: What has your experience been like with necessary goodbyes? What was good and what was difficult about these experiences? How does it encourage you to know that redemption is always possible whether reconciliation occurs or not?

We can love people, but we can’t change them. While we can’t control others’ behavior, we can draw godly boundaries that will actually lead to progress for the relationship.

Ready to take the next step? Overcome the frustrating cycle of ineffective boundary-setting by applying practical strategies to help you communicate, keep, and implement healthier patterns with Lysa TerKeurst's new book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes. Order your copy today --> here.