When Being Good Isn't Good Enough: 21 Days of GraceExemplo

Particulars vs. Principles 

Third, not only can we lose our freedom by focusing on results rather than relationship and by focusing on product rather than on process—but we can lose freedom by focusing on particulars rather than on principles. 

Jesus got ticked at people who put particulars over principles. Listen to His anger: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees [Pastors, Elders and Deacons?], hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves. . . . Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone” (Matt. 23:15, 23). 

I know a teacher who refuses to use any exam format other than essays. He tells me that anybody can memorize data and put it down on paper with a little effort. 

“No,” he told me, “I don’t care whether or not they know the facts. They’ll have to look those up in a book ten years from now anyway. What I want to know in an exam is whether or not the students understand the course.” 

I think the Father feels the same way. I’m not so concerned about getting the details right. I don’t want to lift up a series of rules and expect people to abide by them. However, they do need to understand the principles of the Christian faith. 

At one time I thought I’d discovered a revolutionary method of marriage counseling that would change the way everybody did marriage counseling. Marriage counselors know that most men are insensitive and that the number one complaint from wives is that their husbands neither share their own feelings nor listen to their wives’ feelings. 

Well, I decided to teach husbands to be sensitive to their wives. I would say, “On the way home from work today, I want you to think of a feeling you have that you can share with your wife. I want you to stop and buy flowers from one of those corner vendors. I want you to tell your wife you love her at least three times before dinner, and I want you to make a point of listening to everything she says after dinner.” 

Now, doesn’t that sound like a great way to get a man to be sensitive to his wife? Wrong! In fact, I created more problems than I solved. 

What I have learned to tell husbands is this: Ask God to give you a deep love for your wife. Think of how you felt when you were first dating. Remember all the ways she loves and supports you. Think of her love for your children and of the things she gives up for them and for you. Remember how she likes to dance and sing. When you have dwelt on that sufficiently, then go home and do what comes naturally. 

Read the Bible every morning. Make sure you have a prayer list. Go to church three times a week. Witness to your friends. Serve your church faithfully. Don’t drink, smoke, or curse, and don’t associate with those who drink, smoke, or curse. Make sure you know doctrine. Volunteer for every project that calls itself Christian. And then, in your spare time, smile a lot, because if you don’t, you will hurt your witness. 

Don’t you get tired of it? I do. Forget it. Forget it all. Just work out the principles of faithfulness, love, patience, and kindness—and then do what comes naturally. I’m not saying that the things I mentioned in the last paragraph aren’t important. It’s just a matter of focus.