Love Matters

My frustration mounted, but my heart broke. Arguments like this one had taken place many times, it seemed, not just with this daughter, but with others as well.

     During that particular episode, we were smack in the middle of a family crisis. Each day brought another fight. Some clashes were more disruptive than others. Some aroused deep sadness. Others harsh words.

Every family has been there. Maybe you are there right now. Family conflict is the worst, especially if you are the parent. You just want peace and harmony with the people you care more about than anyone in the world. You want your home to be a place filled with laughter and amazing memories, but no family is perfect and no home is immune to conflict. We have conflict because we are imperfect people trying to coexist with other imperfect people.

     It has been said that family provides us with life’s greatest joys and deepest sorrows. Conflict, when it goes unresolved, hardens the heart over time and builds walls where there were once bridges. Add a marriage to the mix, two imperfect people who many times look at the same situation differently, and you have the makings of a perfect storm. The friction that can occur in any discussion about what to do can sometimes add even more conflict and division. Satan’s strategy has never changed: divide and conquer. A house divided cannot stand.

     Meanwhile, life and the world we live in don’t shut down and wait for our lives to get back to normal. In fact, if your situation is the way mine was, while the walls are caving in at home you may be enjoying great success in your professional life. When we were going through our toughest times, our ministry was exploding and expanding at a record pace. But it can be very difficult to put on the professional face and paint on a smile when the things that matter most are falling apart. Try standing in front of thousands of people and delivering a word from God when there is hell at home. It’s at times like these that you feel the weakest and most vulnerable. But I have a few things to share that will encourage you.

In This Season

Here are five encouraging lessons for seasons of conflict.

     First, I have discovered an astonishing truth: God is attracted to weakness. When we are empty vessels, He longs to fill us with His grace, love and goodness. This is good news. An empty vessel is what God desires so He can fill you with what you will need for the season you are in. In times when there is great stress or conflict you need extra doses of grace, love and goodness. You have faith for this.

     Second, I have great news: It’s a season . . . not a sentence. This too shall pass, and when the storm has passed, only the harshest of words spoken will be remembered. So when you are in the heat of the moment, it is critical that you guard your tongue: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).

     Today, several years after our toughest seasons, all of our children love and follow Jesus, and our relationships are strong. The memories are still as vivid as ever, but they no longer have any power over our lives. Now they serve as lessons and roadmaps for others who are in the thick of their storms.

     Third, the pain you feel is the pain you can heal. As a pastor I never worry so much about the people who are feeling the pain of their situation, because where there is pain, there is attention, and the more specific the source of the pain, the easier it is to focus your attention and your prayers. It’s the people who have grown so spiritually dull that they cannot even feel the pain they are causing that I worry about. Ask God to reveal, specifically, where the source of the pain is. All remedies begin and end at the root. Find the root and you solve the crisis.

     Fourth, never underestimate the power of being in God’s house. Even when you don’t want to go . . . go. Even if you have kids who don’t want to go . . . go. Even if it seems that the Word of God isn’t getting in and penetrating their hearts—or yours—it is. God’s Word never returns void (see Isaiah 55:11).

     Besides the Word of God, there are also the people of God—relationships that develop when people are together week after week over an extended period of time. And you never know when there will be that breakthrough moment. These moments eventually happened for my children, and it was largely because the people of God loved on them, prayed for them, mentored them and spoke life into them. If you are going through a storm in your home, stay in God’s house.

     Lastly, and most important of all, never forget, love matters. It really does. “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins’” (1 Peter 4:8).

A New Language

Love does cover a multitude of sins and speaks a language all its own. In everything we went through as a family and in every stressful conflict, down deep, my kids knew we loved them. They knew that even though there were disagreements, deep disagreements, everything we did or said came from a place of love.

     Love prays without ceasing. Love fasts. Love lays our children in the hands of the Lord daily. Love stays the course in the things that matter most, no matter the conflict it causes. Love stays in God’s house, love stays on its knees, and love never lets go. Love believes the best, and love has faith for the promises in God’s Word in spite of the current circumstances. Love matters. Always has. Always will.

     Life is an adventure in forgiveness. It’s all about releasing the past and reaching for the future. And I know of only one way to do this: Love like you have never been hurt.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, teach me to love as You love with unconditional love. And thank You for loving me. Help me to be more loving, not just to those who love me back, but to everyone You bring across my path. Thank You, Lord, for Your everlasting love.

Based off the book Restart Your Heart by Jentezen Franklin used by permission of Chosen, a division of Baker Publishing Group. Copyright 2018.