Healthy Practices Of Ministry CouplesSample

Just Fix Yourself
By Chris and Liz Sarno of Relevant Church

Our marriage has had challenges. We’ve had some interesting years due to our two strong personalities and the pressures of ministry. One day we had an epiphany that altered the dynamic of our relationship in a significant way. We realized that we spent most of our time trying to change each other to be what the other needed. One of us said, “You know what? Just fix yourself. Stop trying to change me.” Needless to say, that did not go over well in the moment. But it was an important truth that once completely grasped, helped us tremendously. “Just fix yourself” became a common phrase around our house.

So many people spend a lot of energy trying to alter the behavior of their spouses. However, it is not possible to change someone else. No matter how clearly you communicate your desire for change, how well you lay out the blueprint of what you want them to be, or how often you voice your opinion on how they should speak or act, the other person must decide to change. The only person you can change is yourself.

Once you begin to evaluate your heart and behavior, you will find that you have a lot more fixing to do than you thought! One way to start changing yourself is to use I Corinthians 13 and ask yourself if you are doing what love would do. According to this passage in the Message Bible, love never gives up! Love cares more for others than self, it doesn’t strut, it doesn’t force itself, it isn’t always “me first,” it doesn’t fly off the handle, it doesn’t keep score of the sins, it takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, it puts up with anything, it trusts God always, it always looks for the best, it never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Could you use repair in any of these areas? If so, get to work on yourself! When you shift your focus to changing you, you will begin to see change in your marriage!

1. Are there areas of your marriage where you have tried to change your spouse? What has the result been?

2. Evaluate yourself for a moment. What is one thing about you that you need to fix?

3. How can you begin to focus less on changing your spouse and more on changing yourself?