One Choice Away From Change: Breaking Unhealthy Cyclesਨਮੂਨਾ

Breaking the Cycle of Unforgiveness

The journey toward resentment often has its starting place from little moments of frustration that seem unconnected until you wake up one day and realize all roads have led to a surprise destination: Resentmentville. Breaking the cycle of resentment is like unwinding a ball of yarn to find the other end. Depending on your life experiences, your ball of yarn may be the size of a pea or the size of the moon. Regardless of the size of your resentment, our goal today is to understand how the thread of resentment grows and how to begin to untangle it from our heart.

Our emotions are conduits to process our experiences, but they don’t get to choose who we become. We always have a choice—the choice to do nothing or to do something; the choice to feel and take healthy steps or the choice to feel nothing and do nothing. The choice is always there.

Resentment tries to take control and convinces you there’s no choice to be made. But it cannot have the final say or determine how long you stay in your feelings of displeasure or indignation. You have the choice to leave. You have the choice to choose forgiveness.

Our understanding of forgiveness is often shaped and formed by our experiences. Culture has taught us a lot about forgiveness through key catchphrases like, “Forgive and forget.” “It’s water under the bridge.” “Let’s put this behind us and move forward.” And everyone’s favorite, “Ask for forgiveness rather than permission.”

Maybe you’ve been there, where you’ve prayed through hot tears, “Jesus, you don’t get it. You don’t understand the pain of betrayal and disappointment. Why do I keep paying the price for other people’s mistakes? I don’t have it in me to forgive.” Jesus knew that forgiveness would be a daily struggle. Jesus understood that just as daily bread sustains our physical bodies, forgiveness nourishes our mind and body in its own unique way.

Let’s remember five things about forgiveness: forgiveness does not equal trust; forgiveness is a process; forgiveness is always possible; forgiveness is for everyone; and there’s no timeline when it comes to forgiveness. Forgiveness can’t be given too early or too late.

I do not think any of us are forgiveness experts. And that’s okay, because forgiveness wasn’t meant to be mastered; it was meant to be given and received—a gift given by our Savior to navigate our way back to him and sometimes each other. Although forgiveness may not restore our relationships, it will always resurrect the parts of our heart bitterness tries to destroy. Forgiveness isn’t the finish line but the starting line to the road of healing. Forgiveness doesn’t always restore relationships, but it will always heal your heart.

Reflection: Who or what do I need to forgive so that I can break an unhealthy cycle of resentment?

Cycle-Breaking Prayer: Jesus, I come to you seeking your help to acknowledge the resentment in my heart. I know I can’t break the cycle of bitterness until I admit it to you. Help me understand the depth of your forgiveness so that I can extend that same forgiveness to those I’m withholding it from. Give me the strength to let go, so I can find the freedom and healing that come from living in your grace. Transform my heart and fill it with your love. In your name, amen.

This plan is presented to you by One Choice Away from Change by Justin and Trisha Davis. To learn more about this book, please click here.