Weeping Bitterly

By Danny Saavedra

“Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, ‘Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.’”—1 Samuel 1:9–11 (NIV)

What do you think of when you hear the word “bitter”? Something that tastes sharp and unpleasant? A feeling of anger, hurt, and resentment because of bad experiences? In some ways, this does capture what we’re talking about here, but not fully.

You see, the Hebrew word bitterly used here and in various other places in the Old Testament isn’t about resentment, but deep anguish and distress, profound grief and sorrow. This is what Hannah expressed here to the Lord because, as we read yesterday, “the Lord had closed her womb.”

Now, I’m not sure what it’s like where you’re from, but I feel as though the modern world, particularly the West, discourages public displays of grief and mourning. It’s not acceptable to grieve and wail and wear ash; it’s not okay to spend more than five minutes overcome by sorrow.

In many ways, our culture has stripped us of the ability to not be okay, to process tragedy or hardship or pain, to break and give ourselves space and time to walk through the process. Instead, we bottle it up and push it down, which inevitably leads to an explosion/outburst and potentially even worse reactions. Ancient cultures, though, particularly the Jews, were big on allowing space to grieve and mourn.

But here’s the thing . . . there’s no better place to bring anguish and sorrow, to weep bitterly, than in prayer to the Lord! He desires you to bring these things to Him, the God of all comfort who comforts us in our suffering. And you know what? Maybe you do feel those things we mentioned earlier; maybe you do have resentment, anger, or trauma. Maybe your bitter weeping is from a place of bitterness. Bring it to the Lord; don’t bring it anywhere else. Not only can He take it, but He already knows you feel this way. And when you bring it to Him, you can walk through it with Him!

No matter what we go through, no matter where we are in our journey, no matter what we face, no matter what stage of life we’re in, we can say to God, like the psalmist does in Psalm 119:28 (NIV), “My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.”

Now, as Hannah wept, she petitioned, prayed, and made a promise, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” The Nazirite vow: we read about it in Numbers 6:1–21; we see it with the judge Samson. It was a vow taken by someone who voluntarily dedicates themselves to God. The Hebrew word nazir means, “to be separated or consecrated.”

You see, Hannah didn’t just want a son for herself. She wanted a child to glorify the Lord. It wasn’t about her. Hannah knew as Psalm 127:3 says, that “children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” She understood that being a parent was from the Lord, that our children belong to Him, and she wanted to give to the Lord what belongs to Him, for His glory, honor, and purposes.

So, what do we take away from this? First, as we discovered above, we should always bring our sorrow, grief, and anguish to the Lord. We can and should weep bitterly before Him who is able to speak comfort and peace over us.

Second, we should pray, pray, pray some more. In all things, in every circumstance, hold nothing back from the Lord. Pray and trust, offer it to Him.

Third, we must remember: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights” (James 1:17 NIV). And thus, whether it’s a child, a job, finances, a spouse, a home, or anything else, if the Lord gives us something, we should hold nothing back from Him. Give it back to Him; set it apart to serve, glorify, and honor Him. Steward it with faithfulness, humility, and devotion.

Pause: When was the last time you let yourself mourn, grieve, feel sadness? When was the last time you wept and allowed yourself to break down in the presence of the Lord?

Practice: If you’re feeling like Hannah today, please go to the Lord in prayer, and then reach out to someone! Share your struggle and ask Christian friends to join you in the pain and to join you in prayer. Seek the Lord on your own and in community. If you know people who are struggling, reach out and pray with them and/or fast on their behalf.

Pray: Father, may I never hold anything back from You. May I always remember that You’re for me, with me, and the only source of light, comfort, peace, and strength. Help me to dedicate all that I have and all that I am to You who is worthy of it all! In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.