From Broken Boy to Mended ManSample

Emotional Amnesia: Overcoming Denial and Facing the Truth

When I was in college, I raced motocross on weekends. My parents only came to see me race one time. That happened to be the day I had a nasty crash and was flown to the hospital in a helicopter. My parents never came to the emergency room to check on me.

You’d think that would be such a painful memory, it would drive me crazy. But until recently, I didn’t remember them not coming to the hospital. For self-protection, I had developed a sort of emotional amnesia. For decades, I was in denial. My brain couldn’t process the truth, so it chose to deactivate—to turn off—the memory.

Everyone compartmentalizes unpleasant memories to avoid painful thoughts. But denial goes further. Denial erases those memories from your consciousness. You can’t readily access them.

Accepting that your parents failed you and that you are still under the influence of childhood wounds can be a hard pill to swallow. Who wants to dredge up and relive bad memories and feelings? Denial is the path of least resistance—less painful and difficult than trying to process what left you so broken.

However, you can’t heal what you can’t describe—or acknowledge. Eventually, you must face the truth head-on.

Here’s the question: What truth must you face about what your parents should have given you, the ways they failed, the wounds you carry around, and the characteristics you exhibit as a result?

You can try to forget, put up a wall, tell yourself not to take what you missed personally, and mask your pain for years—even decades. But denial will not hide the dysfunction. And not facing the truth most definitely will not help you break the cycle. Until you face your demons, they will continue to haunt you.

The process of facing the truth is both simple and complex. It’s complex because we are woefully human, finite, and fragile, and while our spirits are willing, our flesh is weak. It’s simple because just as the body is designed to heal itself, so is the brain.

If you’re lost in a forest, it’s a good idea to shimmy up a tree to gain some perspective. The same idea applies when we are emotionally lost as well.

Like climbing a tree, prayer provides perspective. There’s no better starting point in this process than to ask God for healing. Ask God to reveal your hidden hurts, as well as the obvious ones.

Giving your mind permission to activate buried thoughts and experiences will activate a healthy process of recalling what happened to you.