The Best of FriendsSample

The Pressures of Friendship

Explosions generally result from unmanageable, uncontainable pressure. Depending on what explodes, the result is shrapnel, fire, gas, or goo being spewed across a vast area. Explosions in our lives might not be as obvious, or noticeable at all, but the pressures exerted on our friendships can result in explosions of pain and confusion. Thankfully, God’s Word offers us insight into why our friendships are under pressure, and what we can do about it.

Yesterday we explored the power of friendship to sustain us physically and spiritually through life’s highs and lows. This gift of connection should come easy – we’re wired for it! – and yet the statistics on friendship tell a different story. People across the planet are lonelier than ever. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul explains that three enemies put pressure on our friendships: the world, the flesh, and the devil (Ephesians 2:1-2).

The ‘ways of this world’ (Ephesians 2:2) refers to society’s pervasive culture, which promotes time poverty. We’re overly busy with work or travelling for work, family, church commitments, and leisure activities. We seldom pause to ask ourselves, "What would I love to spend less time on, in order to have more time to invest in friendships?" It’s worth downloading an app to track your daily screen time, because screens, of all culture’s distractions, are winning the battle for our attention.

The ‘spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient’ (Ephesians 2:2) describes our sinful tendencies, also referred to in scripture as ‘the flesh’. When we’re under pressure, we tend to revert to our pre-Christian patterns of behaviour or coping mechanisms, and these are generally detrimental to friendships. Our flesh also comes into play when we refuse to admit that we may be at fault in a relational conflict. Ultimately, the flesh is selfish. Friendship is selfless. In fact, Jesus says, ‘Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ (John 15:13) It’s unsurprising that in a world encouraging us to look after number one, we find an epidemic of loneliness.

The ‘ruler of the kingdom of the air’ (Ephesians 2:2) is the devil. Where God’s heart is for relational unity and flourishing, Satan works to achieve relational division and destruction. If you feel a friendship is ‘under attack’, take time to ascertain whether it’s the devil trying to obliterate the friendship, or whether it’s your sin, your friend’s sin, or the pressures of culture. Whatever the source of the pressure, ask God for the strength and wisdom you need to fight for that friendship.

The wonderful truth is that, when it comes to our friendships, God equips us to resist the world, the flesh, and the devil. Be aware of these enemies, and don’t be surprised by their attack. Take time to reflect on your habits and personal disciplines, trusting God to show you how you might spend your time in a way that tips the balance in favour of forming deep and lasting friendships.