Can I Trust You?

Many people struggle with trusting God. If you can identify, I would like to give you full permission to be honest about your feelings. It is often our natural tendency to view God – whether we are talking about the Father, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit – through the lens of our personal experiences. For example, if our experience with men is that they are not safe, then we may struggle to see Jesus, who is also a man, as one we can trust and approach. It is hard to connect with a God we see as threatening, controlling, or abusive with power. If this describes your perspective of God, I want to encourage you to be honest. It is important to search out why we feel what we feel rather than to let ourselves think that we just need to “get over it”. We need to give ourselves permission to say we are not okay, especially in our connection to God.

One avenue that can help us become aware of our internal response to God is through art. Pictures awaken us to an awareness of what may be going on in our soul and how we relate to God. Once I was in a class where the facilitator showed us a picture and asked us to share our responses to it. The image was of a woman’s hands holding a man’s foot against her face. A hand from above was reaching down towards the woman’s head. Responses in the class varied from the following:

“The first thing I noticed was her big nose pressed against his feet.”

“That hand feels threatening.”

“I see a lot of tenderness in it.”

The facilitator then asked us to share where we were in relation to the picture. I was reminded of the woman who came to Jesus and washed His feet with her hair. I have a desire to be in that place, but if I am completely honest with myself, the physical reality of this kind of encounter terrifies me. Deep down, I have to admit that there are still places where I don’t feel safe.

Several years ago, I realized that there was a disconnect in my ability to come close to God as a Father. Theoretically, I knew that He was there to love and protect me, but my heart remained emotionally unattached to the belief that I could come to Him as a daughter and jump up on His lap. A father’s love is meant to welcome us in such a way that we feel safe, secure, and validated, but if our personal experience with a father figure has been marked by distance, abuse, fear, or control, then we may find it very hard to see God the Father in a different light. Even if your natural father figure protected and provided for you, if you didn’t feel emotionally connected to him or if you experienced a loss or lack in your relationship, your heart response to your heavenly dad could be affected.

I vividly remember sitting by the couch in my living room one day with my eyes closed asking, “God, are You like my father or are You different? How are You different?” In my mind I saw a picture of myself coming to sit on God the Father’s lap. The feelings that flooded my heart with this picture gave me a sense of belonging and absolute acceptance. A deep place of disconnect was mended as I realized that He wanted me there, and I was safe. (See Psalm 16.)

As we start out on this journey, I invite you to ask the hard questions, to wait, and to trust that God will answer, and His answer will bring you freedom. Sometimes we are afraid to even ask because we have this feeling that we are just going to be disappointed and that our worst fears are true. You are not alone. Jesus was sent to earth to show us what God the Father is like, and He is still at work revealing Him to us.

Would you do something with me right now?

There is a story in the Bible about a group of parents who brought their children to Jesus, wanting Him to bless them. The men who were loyal followers of Jesus took it upon themselves to protect Him from this inconvenience. They were turning the children away, until Jesus stopped them and invited the children to come to Him. Matthew 19:13-14. says,

“One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.”

Picture yourself there that day with Jesus, surrounded by all those kids.

Where are you in this picture? Ask Him, “Jesus, where am I in this picture?” There is no wrong answer.

Now ask Him the following questions. You may find that these questions expose things that you believe about yourself or your relationship with God.

What does this picture tell me about how I view You?

What does it tell me about how I see myself?

What would it look like for me to come close and trust You?

What do You want to say about where I am at right now?

Can I trust You?

As you invite God to speak, you may notice emotions rising up inside you. Emotions are signals, inviting us to pay attention to what is going on inside. Rather than pushing them away, become curious. Hold space for the emotions you are experiencing and be honest about them with God. If you sense that you are mentally just going through the motions of this journey, then pause. True freedom requires that we engage our heart in the healing process. How is Jesus inviting you to trust in a deeper way?