Making Marriage Meaningful Through Conflict Resolution Sample

Welcome back for day two of our study. Today we will be talking about the importance of our tone of voice. Were you ever told as a kid, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”? Ain’t that the truth! Our words and tone have the power to either build up or tear down.

Tone:

Timing and tone go together like grace and mercy or peanut butter and jelly—you can’t have one without the other. We can choose to wait until it’s the right time to approach our spouse with an issue; however, if our tone is disrespectful or unloving, we’ll be met with resistance. Think about the phrase, “Bless your heart.” It can be said with kindness or with condescension.Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) states such powerful language: “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

If you grew up in a highly expressive family (where the tone and volume of everyone’s voice is louder than average) and your spouse grew up in a more reserved environment, this is going to be a hurdle to overcome. However, it’s not an impossible hurdle! The acknowledgment and acceptance of these differences in your upbringings will allow mercy to flow more freely. Giving grace and promptly forgiving each other is the heartbeat of any healthy relationship. Our differences are neither right nor wrong, they’re simply different.

Remember, learning to communicate and resolve conflict in marriage is a work in progress. It doesn’t happen overnight. That’s why God gives us a lifetime together. It requires us to think before we speak. One of the key questions I use to keep my heart in check is, “If my spouse said the same thing I said, with the same tone to me, how would I feel, how would I respond?”

My husband and I are committed to making our home a safe haven for one another by reassuring each other it’s safe to communicate our needs and concerns. For us, safe expression is encouraged by our willingness to understand each other's point of view. Timing, tone, and a non-defensive posture allows our home to be a safe place.

Meditate:

Ephesians 4:32 (NIV):“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Proverbs 12:18 (NIV): “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV):“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Pray:

Dear Lord, I want to be the wise woman (or man) that builds my house, not the foolish one who tears it down with my own hands (Proverbs 14:1). Please fill me with grace and mercy so I can speak life to my spouse. Please empower my tone to be seasoned with respect and love.