Can We Talk? Biblical Counsel for All of LifeSample

Are you afraid of

• Talking on the telephone?
• Attending social events?
• Being the center of attention?

If you answered “Yes” to several of these, you probably consider yourself shy and might be labeled with social anxiety.

Social anxiety refers to the tendency to be nervous or uncomfortable in social situations, usually because of a fear of doing something embarrassing or being judged negatively by others. It may be situation-specific or generalized and range in intensity from manageable to overwhelming.

Most likely, your fear of being judged by others has caused you to erect a fortress of emotional protection around yourself to keep rejection at bay. You are the only one you feel safe with, the only one you have confidence in. This is ironic since self-confidence is the very thing you lack in social situations.

Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected.” So, we’re not looking for a new way to boost our self-confidence. Our safety will come from trusting in the Lord. He is faithful to every promise he has made (Ps 145:13) and upholds the cause of the oppressed (Ps 146:7). He is compassionate; he will not abandon those he loves (Dt 4:31).

When we trust Jesus as our Savior and Lord, God’s perfect love is poured out on us. Then we become less vulnerable to the opinions of others. Instead, “we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us” (1Jn 4:16). When this happens, it begins to make everyone else’s opinion fade into insignificance.

We are liberated from a crippling concern for ourselves and have a new desire to live for Someone greater. We become rooted and established in God’s love.

God’s love changes us into people who can offer his love to others (1Jn 4:19). A believer can overcome a fear of people—not with high self-esteem, but with love. We put off fear by putting on love for God and others.

The following suggestions may help you reach out to others in love.

Look for points of connection. Comment on the news, weather, or something you saw on the way in. Ask people about themselves or if they have weekend plans.

Follow the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Greet people you see regularly and ask about things they’ve mentioned previously. Don’t reply to questions with one-word answers.