10 Steps to Unity in Your Blended FamilySample

Step 8: Be a great listener.

God has given us an important calling in parenthood: to teach, mold, and disciple our children. Instinctively, we want to use opportunities and encounters with them to create teachable moments of instruction. However, a child's thoughts and experiences are important in their own little world, and sometimes they want to talk to us about things without us turning every conversation into a theological or moral truth. In establishing trust with children and stepchildren, we need to allow them to talk about things they are experiencing and walking through–without interrupting or cutting them off. This can be a challenge if you have a chatterbox, but it can also be difficult with the less verbal child as they try to find the words to say. They need you to be still and wait patiently without checking your watch or phone.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give children is the willingness to sit and listen to them. It is equally important to listen to your spouse. They also need space and freedom to communicate without your critical or defensive responses. However, communication in marriage can be one-sided unintentionally because one person is more of a talker and the other more of a listener. This means you need to be intentional in your conversations to make sure both of you are heard. To improve your listening skills, pay attention to what your spouse says. Then, paraphrase what they said. Start by saying, “What I hear you saying is…” This will show you heard them and care about their thoughts and feelings. Scripture states that everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). What great wisdom we are given to listen more than we talk so we can avoid hasty speech or unrighteousness in our words!

There is power in silence. We can choose to actively listen, which can empower our children, stepchildren, and spouse. Your family can feel like they are being heard simply by your being quick to listen and slow to speak.

Prayer: Father, open our eyes to the needs and concerns of those around us. Help us be sensitive to and considerate of the things our loved ones say to us. Help us listen instead of planning our responses or trying to defend ourselves. Let us be led by your Spirit to respond positively. Allow us to be open-minded and soft-hearted in uncomfortable conversations. Help us to see the hurt or discomfort in our loved ones, even when they are afraid to speak it out loud. In Your name, Amen.