Male Friendship 101: David, Jon, & Iron MikeSample

1 Samuel 18:1-4, "The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."

David and Jonathan teach us that true friendship is lived outside of ourselves—true friendship is "otherly focused." The Bible says that

Jonathan's soul was knit (the Hebrew verb is qashar) to the soul of David. The meaning of qashar is to bind together; it can literally be translated as "knotted." David's soul was "knotted" to Jonathan's. Much like a scarlet thread was knotted to the hand of Zerah (Gen 38:28), or Rahab knotted a piece of scarlet to her window (Josh 2:18), Jonathan's soul was intimately tied to David's.

That Jonathan "loved [David] as his own soul" is expressive of what this soul-knottedness meant. Jonathan saw, in David, his own reflection. Jonathan could see outside himself in David, as one author said, "It simultaneously emptied and filled him: emptied himself of a life all about him and filled him with the life of another." This emptying is illustrated in Jonathan stripping off his robe and weapons (vs. 4); what was Jon's became David's.

Here is the hidden benefit of true friendship, a self-serving gift that David, and maybe more so Jonathan, shared. But not in the way you may think.

The benefit is not financial. The benefit is not one of fame or status. David and Jonathan's friendship is not motivated by power, ego, or opportunity. The hidden benefit is one of self-discovery. Jonathan discovers in David his true self: Jonathan is a love-giver, a gift-giver, a warrior, one who empties himself into the life of another.

In short, the demands of a true friendship will show us who we truly are—and self-realization is the greatest gift of all.

Lesson: Your closest friendships have a lot to say about you. Daily strive to bring out the best in others. The best in others feeds the best in you.