Six Elements for Resolving Marital Disagreements a 6-Day Devotion by Damia RolfeSample

INTRODUCTION

In a July 2022 statistic, communication difficulties ranked as the #1 reason for divorce in the United States. We can’t discuss disagreements without first discussing communication. Communication is the transmission of information to someone. Many people say that communication is the key or foundation to any good relationship. In its simplest form, communication comes with its own issues. There can be barriers and frustrations resulting from language issues alone. Then, there are cultural aspects to consider. Once body language and tone of voice are tied into it, we can almost throw away an entire conversation that began with good intentions due to difficulties and miscommunication. Even when you have two people speaking the same language but with different meanings or understandings, a disagreement is bound to erupt.

When we were in school, there were questions essential to helping us understand any topic of communication: “who”, “what”, “when”, “where”, “why”, and sometimes “how”. These questions were called exploratory questions. Whenever we communicate at least some of these exploratory questions come into play.

Over the next six days, we’re going to look at these questions from the perspective of communicating with our spouse, and see how they apply to achieving a healthy resolution in a marital disagreement. But first, let’s briefly define disagreements. Simply put, a disagreement is an expression of differing views. It does not include physical touch in any way. Although it has the tendency to become heated or loud, I pray that you will become comfortable with and regularly ask the Prince of Peace for guidance and direction when it comes to your marital disagreements so that they may be discussed and resolved in the healthiest way possible.

Matthew 18:20 tells us where two or three gather, God is in the midst. We can’t truly be on one accord without first gathering to communicate. Without communication, where the power to speak life into our marriage resides, our marriages become easy prey for the enemy. If Satan can disrupt or end our communication in marriage, he can create division in the primary relationship God intended to replicate his kingdom.

Day 1: WHO are you talking to?

In public speaking, this is often referred to as knowing your audience. This means that the message or information we’re sharing should be tailored, in some respects, to the type of people we’re speaking so that it will be relatable. As a Christian, we must not forget that we are all a gift from God, heirs to the throne and thus should be treated with respect. Even in the midst of a disagreement.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that our words have the power to create or destroy; therefore, we have to be careful about the words we use. When tensions are high, we have a tendency to say things that we do not mean forgetting ‘who’ we’re talking to. We must remember not only that we’re all a part of the body of Christ but that our spouse is on our team. Couples often make this declaration from Romans 8:31 over their marriages: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” If we’re not careful to recall ‘who’ we’re disagreeing with, we can be the “who” against our own marriages. Even in a disagreement, we should be focused on not tearing our spouses down for the sake of the argument. The mere fact that we’re in disagreement shouldn’t alter how we treat our spouse. The Bible tells us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Don’t allow Satan to make you believe that the disagreement is about or with your spouse. Remember, he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. If he can get us to believe we’re fighting a person and not the problem, he’ll help us use our words in a way that could very well destroy our spouse’s spirit and our marriage. It is imperative that we allow no weapon, not even our own tongues, be formed and prosper against our marriages.

Challenge: Ask God to remind you of the ‘who’ you are disagreeing with, and to not lose sight that we wrestle against powers and principalities not one another. Ask him to help you choose words wisely that will build and not destroy your spouse or marriage.

Proverbs 18:21- The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 16:24 – Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Ephesians 6:12 – For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build up on another, just as you also are doing.

Isaiah 54:17 – No weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the Lord.