Six Elements for Resolving Marital Disagreements a 5-Day Devotion by Damia RolfeSample

Day 4: WHERE are your disagreements taking place? Location. Location. Location.

‘Where’ we are when having a marital disagreement can be the barometer for whether the resolution will be a healthy one. Do you remember the feeling you had when you were called to the principal’s office? Or maybe you remember that hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach when your parents called you to their room for discipline. If you were to walk into either of those places now, your mind would take you back to that time and feeling. Good or bad, our brains link a place to specific memories and feelings and the people we share that experience with while in that location. This is known as location association. The same is true for ‘where’ we have disagreements. The place can either stir up negative emotions and create a wall of defense against our spouse, or it can be seen as a meeting ground to strategize a plan of attack against a problem that could harm our marriage. If we know that what we have to discuss is a tense topic, we should try to find an environment that will invite cooler heads to prevail and a place with little to no true distractions. Distractions will likely breed a feeling of disrespect and even leave our spouse questioning our love for them because we don’t appear invested enough in the conversation or in resolving the matter for the sake of the marriage. This place should also be one where we can both be quick to listen and slow to speak. James 1:19. I have married friends that have agreed upon a particular restaurant to go to for all serious conversations. While at this restaurant, they’re able to give each other their undivided attention and focus on resolving the matter to the best of their ability. Although there may be a sunken feeling when one invites the other to dine there, there’s a peace that together, they have a common goal of resolving the matter and not letting it wreak havoc in their marriage. Choosing a specific place for marital disagreements forces us to focus on the issue while there and not point the finger at each other.

Challenge: Consider a place best for you and your spouse to address marital disagreements.

3 John 1:2 - Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

James 1:19 - My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.