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Know Who Has Got Your Back

So far, we’ve examined our habits and our hearts to better understand our weaknesses and how to mitigate them. Today, we're going to think beyond ourselves, because this isn’t a journey to be walking alone. 

Who are the people who have got your back? Who are the people cheering you on, but also have permission to correct you? Does anyone even know that you are struggling with porn?

When you are dealing with an issue like porn use, which has so much internal shame and self-hate shouting at us, it is vital to know who is on your side. You need people in your life that can help you do 3 things: stop hiding, know where you are heading, and keep hoping.

1. Stop hiding

You need someone, or a few people, in your life who will ask you the difficult questions - the ones you wish they didn’t ask! Some people even say one of the best questions friends can ask is, “What were you hoping I wouldn't ask today?”  

A good starting point is the question, “When did you last look at porn?” or “How often have you used porn since we last spoke?” If the answer to that question is “I haven’t," then great!  But encourage someone to ask you a direct and quantifiable question, rather than just, “How are you doing?” This helps you to be more honest and stop hiding. 

2. Know where you’re heading

The next part is to have someone who knows where you’re heading. In other words, you want someone who has a good idea of what your vulnerabilities are and the plans you’ve made to mitigate them, but also who knows what matters more to you, and what you don't want to risk losing.

If you have figured the triggers in your life, and your friends know them too, they can help you stay on track. For example, if they know your plan is to avoid social media, or switch off screens after 10pm, they can help you by reminding you not just what you’ve said you’ll do but also why. You want someone who knows where you are heading, and what your plan is to get there.

3. Keep hoping

You already know how easily shame can knock you down; you might have been through that cycle many times. So you need someone on your side who can keep you hoping.  Someone who can encourage you, reminding you that porn use is something you do, not who you are, and that it’s not part of your future. Someone who sees the good in you and believes in you, particularly in those times when you are struggling to believe in yourself.

Turning to and telling someone about your porn problem might feel almost impossible. You may have even picked this plan because you are hoping you can overcome this on your own, without anyone else needing to know! But quitting porn is significantly easier if you have people walking alongside you.

Pause, be brave, and ask the Holy Spirit to give you the names of the people in your life who have got your back. Have you talked to them in the past but have been avoiding this topic recently? Is God leading you to speak to someone for the first time? Before you close this plan, send them a message and ask to meet up.