Relationship PuzzlesSample

Sometimes Things Have to Stay Messy

This is the hardest part of conflicts for me. Sometimes they are not resolved for a long time.

Can you imagine? Joseph was 17 when he was abused by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was finally reconciled with his family when he was around the age of 40 (Gen 37, 39-44). That long time in between makes my heart ache, but God was at work, using it all for good.

I really want to fix things. I really want people to like me. I want to be friends with everyone and be at peace with everyone. It is not bad to feel that way! “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). But sometimes that person may not want to see you or speak with you. Sometimes that person is not healthy for you and you decide to protect yourself and your family. Sometimes it is more peaceful to go separate ways, like Abram and Lot (Gen 13:5-13) and how Paul did with Barnabas and Mark (Acts 15:36-41).

God is a wise gardener. He prunes us so we can make more fruit (John 15:1-2). If a relationship is no longer growing the healthy fruit of good attitudes and behaviors, God may prune it by reducing it or eliminating it altogether. You may find that you don’t spend as much time with that person anymore. Or, God may cut out a relationship entirely because it is not growing fruit and not good for either of you.

That can cause both grief and relief.   

Sometimes, God might show you a door closing and give instruction on not opening it again. It is wise to obey Him because He knows best for us. I think about when God told Lot and his family to leave Sodom and warned them NOT to look back. Lot’s wife did not obey and suffered the consequences (Gen 19:17).

There are seasons in life (Ecc 3:1). Just like seasons of our weather, after summer turns into fall or fall turns into winter, we cannot go back to the summer or back to the spring.  We have to move forward into the new season.

You might need to leave your reputation in the mud. You might need to let people think about you whatever they want to think and say about you whatever they want to say. God is the only one who can take care of the mess.

But you can always pray. "And the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective!" (James 5:16)

Response:

I have written letters to people telling them everything I feel, but I do not mail them. I know mailing my letter will not make peace with that person, so I don’t do it. But it helps me to feel peace inside of me, so I write it for myself. I have even written letters from that person to me, imagining the things that I wish that person would say to me and writing them down. It helps me to let go. What helps you to let go?