The Hope QuotientSample

Divorce in my family isn’t just a reality. My family treated divorce as a requirement. Today, if a skeptic challenges me about the Christian faith making a difference, I can point to a thirty-plus-year marriage and say, “Living for Jesus makes all the difference in the world.”

Let’s face it, marriages are in trouble. Hope is the greatest antidote against the toxic forces that are destroying American homes. Any marriage can be stronger. Any marriage can be closer. Any marriage can be more stable. 

First, we have to give up unrealistic expectations. We can bring such high expectations into a marriage that no person could possibly meet them. That sets us up for disappointment followed by discouragement followed by despair. We start saying, “Maybe I married the wrong person.”

The reality is that marriage is composed of two very flawed, very imperfect individuals. It is crazy to think that two imperfect individuals can form one flawless, problem-free relationship. It’s just an unrealistic expectation.

Second, we have to stop fixing the blame and start solving the problem. Blame is deadly. I’ll never forget a sharp young couple with a troubled marriage who came for help.

The wife immediately launched in and shredded the guy. “Well, he . . .” When she took a breath, he took over. “Well, she . . .” Out came a machine gun of hurtful words. 

I finally had enough and said, “You two might be the most immature pair of adults I have ever met, and I can prove it. Would you let your young children talk the way you just talked about each other?” You cannot fix the blame and solve the problem at the same time. 

Without hope, people do not believe things can improve. Discouraged people become destructive people. Blame takes the place of hope and fills the home with toxic emotions. 

Those two had arrived with enough ammunition to destroy each other. They made changes, and the last I heard, their kids grew up unscathed by a parent’s divorce.

Without hope, people become disillusioned and discouraged, but people with hope believe that things can get better. Hope leads to the type of actions that lead to things getting better.

Think Up:

Unrealistic expectations set us up for disappointment which leads to discouragement and finally despair.

Hope leads to the type of actions that leads to things getting better. (Read on).