7 Lies The World Tells Us, 7 Biblical Truths That God Tells UsSample

Day Six: You Are Who You Raise

In today’s gig economy, we are being bombarded with seven lies that have dangerous consequences. Together, they imply a path toward freedom and flexibility. 

But the truth is actually the opposite. These seven lies move us farther from the truth, which is only found when we embrace who we truly are in Christ.

Now, we confront the lie that your worth and identity depend upon how you parent and how your kids perform. 

So far, we’ve looked at you are what you do, you are what you experience, you are who you know, you are what you know, and you are what you own. 

Today, let’s look at Lie #6: You are who you raise, and the truth that refutes it. 

Lie #6 - You are who you raise.

On the surface, believing the lie that you are who you raise doesn’t seem too bad, since involvement in your child’s life is better than neglect. However, underneath the surface, this lie frauds us into believing that our children’s success is actually our success. And their failure is our failure. 

But the fact is, no matter what your children accomplish or achieve, it will never satisfy. Nothing they do will ever make you feel whole, fixed or content. They will never be able to cover up the shame from your past, because you are not who you raise.

Living according to this lie and defining yourself based on your children puts an incredible amount of unnecessary and unrealistic pressure on you and your children. I also hope you’re recognizing that it’s actually arrogance, or an inflated sense of self-importance, that causes someone to even believe in this lie in the first place. 

Truth #6 - Your child’s accomplishments will never satisfy you. 

To truly break free from this lie that you are who you raise, you have to start with forgiveness.

At a minimum, you need to forgive your parents for the way that they unconsciously wronged you. After all, they were probably just parenting the way that they were parented as well—without giving it much thought. But if you’re serious about finding freedom from this lie, you must go a step further and forgive them for the ways that they consciously wronged you.

While I recognize that this might sound like a big ask for some of you, I’m not asking you to sweep everything under the carpet and act as if everything is okay. I’m not asking you to forget, nor do I expect that reconciliation will always take place—because it doesn’t. I’m just asking you to start with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is something you can do regardless of the other party, whereas reconciliation requires both parties to do the hard work of repeatedly repairing and restoring trust over time. And unfortunately, you’re not in control of how your parents will react, how long it will take, or if things will even ultimately change.

But here’s what you are in control of: the first step. You can take the first step and begin walking the path toward freedom from this lie if you forgive. But don’t just forgive—give it to Jesus instead. Invite Jesus into your hurt, shame, and guilt because he is “gentle and humble in heart” and he promises to help you find rest for your soul.

If you’re courageous enough to forgive your parents—and invite Jesus into the process—here’s what will happen. Jesus will take your hurt, and shape it into healing. Over time, he will replace that stress with rest. And ultimately, he will break the chains that have been saddling you down with guilt and shame, so that you can begin living freely and fully. While reconciliation is not guaranteed on this side of eternity, at least you’ll begin walking in freedom. I love the way that Jesus extends this invitation to us,

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Whether it’s helicopter parenting, lawnmower parenting, or whatever will come next—underneath it all is a desire for control. And if there’s one empty promise the gig economy makes, it’s control. 

The only problem is that the older your children get, the less control you will have over them. So if your path to contentment is to live vicariously through your children, it can only work for so long. Eventually, when your children refuse to be controlled by you, and they cut you off or move away, what will you do then? Who or what will you turn to?

And that’s the thing with this lie and every other lie from the gig economy. They seem so alluring because they give you the illusion of control—but none of them ever keep their end of the bargain.

No matter what your children accomplish or achieve, it will never satisfy. Nothing they do will ever make you feel whole, fixed, or content. They will never be able to cover up the shame from your past, because you are not who you raise. 

Prayer: Dear God, free me from believing that my worth comes from my children’s accomplishments. Show me that any sense of control that I have is actually an illusion. Help me to find satisfaction only in you. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.