7 Secrets to an Awesome MarriageSample

CONNECT: The Art of Listening and Being Present

Sometimes I better understand what a word means when I know what its opposite means. Take the word "connect." It can mean a number of things. We connect dots, we connect airplane flights to get us where we want to go, and we connect with others in our same profession hoping to learn from each other. But what does connect mean in a marriage? Is it talking or hanging out together or the absence of fighting? Is it sharing a bank account or going on a date or living under the same roof? I know couples that do all of those, and the last word I would use to describe them would be connected. They talk, but it is always surface. They hang out, but it is more out of convenience. They don't fight, but there is no passion. The bank account makes sense to them on a practical level. The dates keep them from going to a movie or out to dinner alone, and living together under the same roof saves a lot of money on bills. These couples do not connect - they exist. Someone observing them might think they are connected, but they are not.

Nancy and I do all the above, but this is the difference. When we talk to each other we put a lot of effort into listening. We want each other to know they are heard. That connects us. When we hang out together, we touch and sit close together and hold hands. Physical touch connects us. We fight, but we try to fight fair and to resolve our differences and to show respect for each other. That connects us. Sharing a bank account connects us because we have a budget; when we stick to it we have more to give away, and being generous connects us. We started having dates together in college, and we still have them all the time. We look forward to enjoying time together and it connects us. The place we live together under the same roof is our home, and we connect there every day.

Connected is where we are most of the time today, but it took work. We had a lot of existing years, but we hung in there, and as we learned about doing marriage God's way the days of existing together turned into days of connecting together.

Prayer: Ask God to show you where you are just existing in your marriage. Then ask Him to help you connect in a way that allows you to cherish each other and your marriage.