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Myth #5: Sex should never be discussed outside the marriage bed.

Sex is a sacred endeavor between husband and wife. But there are times that we need and desire the thoughts from our closest friends and trusted counselors because we struggle to navigate the uneasy waters of the sexual conversation. 

Guys, do you have a friend who honors his wife in a healthy marriage? Start there. Women, look for a friend who cherishes her husband and honors God with her marriage. Your friend should love God and be earnestly in pursuit of a relationship with Him. Who can you think of who has a solid history of fruitfully ministering truth to others, has a healthy awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses, displays self-discipline, and is unabashed in articulating the truths of God’s Word? It’s a tall list for sure. You might not know of anyone, but ask your other friends who they trust. Find a Christian counselor near you. Ask a couple who’s a little further down the road than you if they’d mentor you.

Often, symptoms such as depression and anxiety, exhaustion, and stress (just to name a few) can lead to individuals having little to no sex drive, and in the case of sexual trauma, individuals can have a mistrust of anything sexual. Partners often state a “lack of feeling appreciated,” “no emotional connection,” and even “no romance” as reasons for having little to no desire for sexual intimacy with their spouse.* 

No matter the reason, if we love our spouses and are seeking to meet their needs, just as they are seeking to meet our needs, we should be willing to seek whatever help possible to increase the satisfaction and desire to connect intimately with them.

Remember, God intends sex within marriage to be sacred and blessed for both partners. He wants you to increase in emotional and spiritual connection with one another, but these issues may widen the gap already present between you and your spouse. You are not alone, so find support and encouragement today.

My prayer is that, you begin to see sex through the amazing and satisfying eyes of God Himself. His desires should be our desires. His pleasures should be our pleasures. 

—Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT

Pray: God, align our desires with Your desires, so that our dreams align with Your purposes. Let Your will be done through us and let our love for one another grow stronger each day, bringing glory and honor to You. Amen.

*It is highly recommended that if you have an aversion to sex, pain during intercourse, a past history of sexual trauma, a low libido, or feel unsatisfied with your sexual relationship with your spouse, that you seek help immediately. Professional counselors, along with medical professionals, can help provide emotional, relational, and physiological support.