Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your MarriageSample

SHOULD I HELP AN OPPOSITE-SEX FRIEND WITH MARRIAGE PROBLEMS?

A healthy, thriving marriage is like a grapevine or a garden: to a certain extent, it needs to be walled in and protected from outside influences that might pose a threat to its continued growth and fruitfulness. This is often a subtle and delicate business, for those threats can sometimes come disguised as opportunities for altruistic ministry to others.

Consider the case of the man whose sister-in-law was having marital difficulties and reached out to him for support, counsel, and advice. This man’s wife was uneasy about the proposed “counseling session,” and with good reason. Her feeling was that, no matter how important it might be to help this struggling woman, it’s still vital to maintain proper boundaries in marriage. She sensed that she and her husband needed to protect their own relationship. In this she was absolutely right. The kind of help the sister-in-law was seeking requires a level of intimacy and trust between counselor and counselee that simply isn’t appropriate between a woman and a man who isn’t her spouse (unless, of course, the man is a professional therapist — and even then it’s important to proceed with great care).

In a scenario like this, it would be preferable for the sister-in-law to come over and talk with the man and his wife in the context of a group discussion. That would be the best way to get his input if she really wants it. What’s more, there’s an important sense in which she’d be much better off consulting with another female. A caring Christian woman would be in a far stronger position to relate to the distress she’s experiencing.

Bottom line: nobody who finds himself or herself caught in the throes of a difficult marriage should be looking to a married friend or relative of the opposite sex for help and comfort. To do so is to place the healthy marriage in jeopardy. Thriving couples should be intentional about building walls and hedges against this sort of intrusion into the sacred intimacy they share as husband and wife.

As an alternative, they should encourage a struggling friend to engage the assistance of a Christian marriage-and-family counselor. If the institution of marriage is to be honored as God intends (Hebrews 13:4), it’s in everyone’s best interest to set and maintain appropriate marital boundaries. This is the most effective way for a healthy couple to stay on the right track and prevent the enemy of their souls from driving a wedge between them.