Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your MarriageSample

WHAT TO DO WITH PHOTOS OF EX-GIRLFRIENDS/BOYFRIENDS

Some newlyweds and engaged couples wonder about the propriety of holding on to pictures of old girlfriends and boyfriends. This can be a touchy subject in some instances. There is, after all, an important sense in which lovers should have eyes only for each other. That’s just the way God made us. If you’re wrestling with this question, the best rule of thumb is to resolve the matter by talking it over with your spouse or fiancé/fiancée.

You don’t necessarily have to destroy photos of old boyfriends or girlfriends. At the same time, you shouldn’t be “pulling them out” and showing them off. There’s a way to strike a healthy balance on this issue. A great deal depends on the type of photos under consideration. Certain pictures could be considered mementos of significant events or tokens of cherished memories, especially if the relationships concerned ended on a fairly positive note. On the other hand, it’s not a good idea to keep portraits or glamour shots of old flames. Hanging on to photos of that kind can only lead to trouble. Remember, God has designed marriage to function as an exclusive covenant between a man and a woman.

Anything that threatens to weaken the exclusivity of that commitment should be avoided.
If you feel that the two of you are unable to talk about an issue like this or if you’re hesitant to discuss the photos because you fear that she would be intensely jealous, this would indicate that there are deeper issues and concerns that need to be addressed. On the other hand, if you’re comfortable bringing this up and your partner simply prefers that you don’t keep the photos, it would probably be best to honor his or her wishes.

In connection with this last thought, it’s always a good idea for engaged couples (or even those who are dating seriously) to seek pre-marital counseling before they move into marriage. Most couples today spend thousands of dollars on their wedding day, but don’t invest anything in the future of their marriage relationship. This involves an investment of a certain amount of time and money, to be sure, but it’s well worth the cost to make sure that your relationship is as strong as it can possibly be. Doing so can save you a great deal of heartache down the road.