Marriage: Handle With CareSample

Peering out the window, I stared at our barn, which appeared like the skeleton of a great beast, marooned on our snowy shore. I asked my husband, Randy, if the structure would continue standing once its outer support was removed. 

“Yes,” he said, then explained that the interior framing supported the structure, not the old, weathered boards visible on the outside, and it would continue standing until my husband could pick up barn boards from our Amish neighbor and replace the old boards with new.

I went outside later that morning—my three-month-old daughter strapped to my chest in her oversize snowsuit—and saw this stripped-down barn. I had my cousin’s fancy camera hanging around my neck, and I cupped both the lens and my daughter’s head as I minced across the ice in my tennis shoes. 

I needed to snap some photos of our farm to send along with an article. But as I took the photos, I found myself inwardly grumbling: the former owner needed to get his mower; there was an empty stack of totes on the front porch that needed to be moved to the barn; the shipping containers were eyesores.

My mood, I’m ashamed to say, did not improve. Randy was leaving for La Crosse around noon. Before he left, he noticed I was assaulting the towels as I slung them over the laundry rack.

He asked, “Why are you mad at me?” 

I slung another towel. “Because I feel like nothing’s getting done!”

He said, “Things are getting done. Everything just can’t get done at once.”

I sighed and released my grip on the towel. “I’ll try to be more patient.” 

He sighed, too, and leaned down for a kiss. “Just try not to get so overwhelmed.”

After Randy left, I mentally retraced my morning walk. Why had the totes on the porch bothered me? Why had I wanted to edit out the wrinkles, the red eyes, and the menagerie of toys taking over the countertop? 

It’s because I wanted everyone to think we live a picture-perfect life. But the barn—standing strong with no exterior boards—reminded me that the exterior is not what gives a structure solidity: it’s the strength of the interior that counts. 

Conversation Starter:

Name two ways you can work on your marriage’s structure. Does social media strengthen that structure or tear it down? 

Getting Started: 

1. Every time you find yourself criticizing your spouse (even mentally), put a dollar in a jar. 

2. When you have fifty dollars, go on a date. But leave your phones behind.

3. Use the last hour before bed to reconnect with your spouse.