The Mingling Of Souls - Matt Chandler On IntimacySample

“Sex is Tender”

What Solomon did to romance his bride initiated deeper levels of intimacy and vulnerability. As a result, as this chapter progresses, we see increasing openness. He next moved to behold her physical beauty more fully.

“Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies” (4:5). Her dress was at least half off as she stood topless before him, and he praised her still, poetically complimenting her breasts.

This metaphor may be a little difficult to decipher, but let me see if I can break it down for you. Fawns are baby deer, right? Now, if you saw two baby deer grazing among the lilies, how would you approach them? Let’s assume you have some sense and an appreciation for nature. What do you do? Well, for instance, you don’t tackle fawns. You approach them quietly and gingerly. And if they don’t run away as you slowly approach, you don’t ring their necks when you get there, right?

Are you following me here?

We see in this portion of the text that marital sex is not only romantic but also gentle.

Women respond to slowness and gentleness. Once you’ve reached the point of intercourse, she may want you to move more quickly and touch more firmly, but most women can’t get to that point until they’ve felt wooed into it. They want to feel safe and secure. They want to feel embraced more than grabbed, caressed more than groped.

Make no mistake: Solomon looked at his wife’s naked breasts. He was going to touch them and kiss them. He wanted to go further. But he was going about the whole thing with an evident tenderness. He was interested in more than his own gratification; he wanted his bride to feel sexual pleasure too—but beyond that, he wanted her to feel loved.

* Is your primary motivation during sex your own pleasure, or to make your spouse feel loved? Does it show in how you act? Have you had a real conversation with your spouse about whether they feel safe and secure during sex?