10 Steps For Dealing With AngerSample

Step 2 — Identify the Source of Your Anger

A person once said to me, “I thought my husband was making me angry, but then I realized it wasn’t really his actions that were triggering this emotion. It was a memory of my father’s actions that had established a pattern of anger in my life.” This is true for many people. Something their parents said in the distant past still rings as criticism in their ears. The “tape” goes round and round. It’s played, re-wound, and played again.

You’re worthless.

You were never wanted.

You’ll never amount to anything.

You’ll never have what you dream of having.

Your “recording” could be something your spouse said during an argument or what your teenager said before storming out of the house. The pain of these memories, coupled with a strong sense of rejection, can result in inner turmoil that frequently manifests itself as anger.

When someone is angry with you, you need to consider several things. If you’re being accused wrongfully, there’s little you can do to calm the person’s anger. The angry person most likely doesn’t want to hear your side of the story and may not be willing to listen to any possible explanation or excuse.

Oftentimes, people will become angry about something that has nothing to do with you. But they need to find someone to blame, so they transfer it to you. If this happens, you need to deal with it quickly and properly.

In Matthew 18, Jesus provides very clear instruction on how to deal with conflict: “If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church” (vv. 15-17).

The wonderful thing about this teaching is it also works in reverse. If you’re the one who sinned and someone is justified in his anger toward you, then you need to go to him, confess your sin, and ask for forgiveness. If he doesn’t accept your apology, you may need to try again with the “one or two more” Jesus spoke of at your side.

Whether someone’s anger is justified or unjustified, you can pray for that person to be healed emotionally and find peace. Ask God to help this individual let go of the anger and focus on positive things. Pray for God to move in the angry person’s heart to bring healing and joy. Finally, ask the Lord to bless and restore your relationship with that person.