Coping With Emotions After Discovering Infidelityနမူနာ

Specific Action Steps

There are specific action steps you can take to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.

It’s important to distinguish between primary emotions and secondary emotions.

Primary emotions are what we feel in direct response to an event and/or a specific stimulus. They’re initial reactions we have that are natural, instinctive, or unthinking.

A secondary emotion is “an emotion about an emotion.” For example, you might feel guilty or ashamed about the fact that you feel sad or lonely.

Let’s now look at five helpful steps for dealing with your emotions in a healthy way:

1. Identify your primary emotions. Awareness of your initial reaction can help you decide how to respond. If possible, jot down a word or two describing the emotion and what triggered it. Later on, journal in more detail about the feelings you identified.

2. Dig deeper to gain access to buried (secondary) emotions. As a result of the environment in which we grew up and the people who raised us, we quickly revert to the emotional responses we learned from our upbringings. Digging into buried secondary emotions can help you evaluate the thinking that drives them.

3. Practice getting in touch with your emotions. If this step is difficult for you, Google “feelings wheel” or “emotions chart” to find words that describe how you feel.

4. Increase your vocabulary for expressing various emotions. The more specifically you identify your feelings, the more likely your spouse will understand you. For example, the primary emotion “mad” could mean anything from “annoyed” to “enraged.” Use a word that accurately reflects what you feel.

5. Practice communicating, “I feel ____________ when you _______________.” This simple suggestion can reduce the risk of a conversation with your husband escalating into conflict.

Remember that you’re in a spiritual struggle as well as a human one. It will take some time and practice to know how to work through each emotion. But in the midst of your pain, God will draw near as you draw near to Him. Keep following these steps, and in time, you’ll be on your way toward honoring and responding to your emotions in a productive way!

For more help, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Pornography. You can also call Focus on the Family's counseling department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357). You are not alone and you are in our prayers.