Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa JacobsonSampel

Day Three

Growing Together 

Scripture: Philippians 1:6

I tend to be the talker in our marriage. Matt knows that about me. Thankfully, he likes that about me too. Sometimes we go for long country drives without even having a destination; we’re happy merely exploring the area around us. 

He’ll grab the wheel, and before we’re at the end of the driveway, he’ll say, “Okay, babe, start talking.” 

I don’t have to be asked twice. 

This is my cue to begin the download: the things I’ve been struggling with, worried about, or excited by. All the things. He drives, and I talk. 

The truth is that I enjoy these drives because I have his undivided attention and can pour out my thoughts and concerns to him as we go along. Sometimes we need to work through an issue and other times I need him to fix a situation. 

But most of the time I simply appreciate being heard. While this wasn’t always clear to him (he tends to be a “fixer”), it’s something he’s learned through our years together. For this I’m grateful, and I tell him so. 

Then one day I decided to do a long overdue experiment. What if I didn’t do so much of the talking? What if I kept quiet instead? And not an “I’m put out” kind of quiet, but more of an “I’m listening if you have something on your heart” kind of quiet. 

Sure enough, after some time had passed, he began to tell me things I’d not heard before. He shared dreams I’d not known he’d tucked away and burdens I’d not realized he carried. He only needed someone to listen, and from then on, I was determined that someone would be me. 

Perhaps your husband could use a reminder that you’d be glad to listen to whatever is on his heart or weighing on his mind. Make it clear that you’re there for him. Remember as you listen that he might have room to grow—but then again, so do you. God is finishing his good work in each of us. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. He (the Spirit) is always so much more effective than we’ll ever be. So don’t make it your job to transform him; simply love him. 

When is the best time for you and your husband to listen to each other? On a car ride? Over a meal? Just before bed?