More Doubt: More Faithनमुना

Is Doubt Spiritual Warfare?

Before I went into full-time ministry, I experienced an unforgettable season of spiritual warfare. It was as if I were being dragged through the horror of the unseen world in order to never forget that it exists.

After losing my appetite and several pounds, I also lost hope of ever feeling normal again. I booked an appointment with a medical clinic to find out what was wrong with me. I remember telling God before the appointment that I didn’t care what the problem was; I just wanted it detected so I could start treatment that would help me feel normal again. I was surprised when they gave me a clean bill of health. The only issue was my slightly elevated blood pressure. It was as if nothing but God’s power could fix this trial. My emotions seemed to be utterly inflamed as I anguished through this hopeless suffering. This all occurred in my early twenties.

Allow me to rewind a moment and give you a little context. Just a few years prior to this I heard the gospel for the first time. I was nineteen years old. Soon after that, I placed my saving faith in Jesus Christ. The first year and a half as a believer was a difficult season as I struggled to abandon my old party lifestyle. But all this would change on October 9, 1994, when I attended my first AA meeting. I went on to attend over four hundred meetings in my first year of sobriety. Yes, at times more than one a day. I wasn’t the skid row kind of drinker, but I was a young, hard partier, and as a result, I created painful consequences for myself. And for whatever reason, I simply couldn’t give up drinking on my own. I needed help. I could see where that life was going to take me if I didn’t act fast. 

After I got clean, my life took on new meaning. I began channeling my addictive personality Godward. I was sold out. I was in God’s army sharing my faith with everything that moved. And the enemy didn’t like it. The more I lived for God, the more intense the warfare became. I sensed that Satan’s minions were on an all-out assault to bring me down. 

At a loss for how to navigate my way through this intense spiritual warfare, I spoke to an elderly Christian women I worked with at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Dana Point, California. After hearing my symptoms, she said, “Bobby, I think you’re going through spiritual warfare.” I had never heard that term before, but after she explained what it was, things started to make sense. 

There’s so much more we could discuss here, but over time, through simply becoming aware of Satan’s ways, I was able to engage the battle and not remain spiritually blinded to what was happening around me. I learned in a deep way that the unseen world is real and it’s powerful. Now, anytime I struggle with doubts about the unseen world, all I need is a little reflection time. As a pastor, I couldn’t afford to do ministry unaware of this. I guess the Lord wanted me to experience a little bit of it myself. I still do at times. But now there’s hope. And that makes all the difference. 

Reflection

• Have you ever tangibly experienced spiritual warfare? Or is this language new for you? 
• What do you do when faced with spiritual warfare in your life?