Developing Foundations for Healthy RelationshipsParaugs

The relationship between Mary and Joseph

Mary and Joseph are obviously most famous for being the human parents of Jesus. And for obvious reasons (Him being the son of God and all), the focus of that story is usually (and rightfully) on Jesus. But, it’s worth taking a moment to instead focus on Mary and Joseph’s relationship with one another.

In the first Chapter of Matthew, we learn that Mary and Joseph were “pledged to be married,” but “before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.”

Take just a moment to put yourself in either one of their shoes. They are engaged. They are young (likely teenagers). Back in their day, they did not choose their spouse - but rather, their engagement would have more than likely been arranged by their families. Often, families married one another for strategic or prestigious reasons, and sometimes they even married close relatives. This was certainly the case with Joseph because we know he was in the prestigious line of King David (see Matthew 1:1-17).

Typically, their engagement would have lasted about a year. So they are engaged and getting ready to be married when Mary has her encounter with the angel Gabriel and is visited by the Holy Spirit (Luke 1:26-38).

And thus, Mary found herself not only unmarried and pregnant (with the Son of God no less!), but she also had to face and tell her fiance that it was a work of the Holy Spirit… something that had never happened before, and quite frankly, probably sounded absurd.

On top of the heavy weight of pregnancy itself (let alone the nature of this miraculous conception), I’m sure she had a hundred different concerns: what about her reputation? His reputation? What if he didn’t believe her? Who would marry her now? What would people say? What would he say? What would he think of her? How would he treat the baby?

Similarly, think about Joseph. His fiance came to him, pregnant, with a story about an angel and the incarnate Son of God. How would you respond in such a situation? Would you ask for proof? Grill her for details? Wallow in confusion, or be wildly upset? Would you tell her you never wanted to see her again, call off your engagement, or scheme up ways to get your vengeance? All of these responses would be understandable, given the never-before-seen circumstances. But this is not what Joseph does, and how he responds to Mary’s divine pregnancy is not only an incredible testimony to his character (there it is, that Godly character again) but also a great relationship lesson as well.

In Matthew 1:18-19 we are told three things about Joseph:

• He was faithful to the law.
• He did not want to expose Mary to public disgrace.
• He had in mind to divorce her quietly.

Verse 20 tells us that he considered his response. He took in this (completely unprecedented and really quite unbelievable) information, took the time to process and consider it, and then chose the path of kindness, grace (undeserved favor!), and faithfulness.

It’s important to note that this was before verses 20-21, in which an angel came to him in a dream and confirmed that Mary was telling the truth. Therefore, Joseph’s Godly character preceded any supernatural confirmation that Mary truly was pregnant with the living son of God.

We are told that Joseph went on to obey everything God told him to do, and thus: the clear relationship foundation that we can see from Mary and Joseph is this: we are to respond to the circumstances and situations that surround us, not react to them.

As human beings, we are flawed people, and we are always going to be imperfect. Too often, we are ruled by our emotions and our flesh. Too often, we side with Paul when he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15).

The Bible has a lot to say about this topic (see today’s Bible References as great examples).

When we learn to respond to a situation instead of reacting with our raw emotions, we are not only practicing self-control but also allowing the Spirit of God to speak into our lives so that we can act in obedience and godliness.

This, of course, is a lot easier said than done, but there are practices and tools that can help us to grow in this area. For example, we read that Joseph was faithful to the law. In order to be faithful to the law, Joseph had to know the law.

Similarly, in order for us to be faithful to the Bible and passages like those listed, we need to know them. One practice to help us internalize this foundation is to memorize Scripture. If self-control is an area in which you need help, print out or write down the passages below and memorize them. Meditate on them. Chew on them. Journal about them. Allow them to sink into your soul and Spirit so that when the situation arises - so too do they from within you.

Instead of simply reacting to relational situations, lean into the Holy Spirit, take pause, practice patience, listen, and respond in kindness, grace, and humility.

Joseph was able to respond as he did because he did the daily work beforehand. His humble character produced a mature and grace-filled response to Mary’s pregnancy. Imagine if each and every one of our relationships were like that… they would be wonderful and safe places in which to grow, live, and thrive.

If helpful, take the time today to choose and memorize a Scripture.

https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-topics/new-testament/mary-and-joseph-in-the-bible/