Root 5: Shame

Unlike guilt, which says, "I’ve done something bad," shame says, "I am bad."

Toxic shame is a powerful driver of addiction, convincing us that we are unworthy of love or acceptance. It traps us in self-loathing and worthlessness, fueling the destructive cycle of addiction.

For Christians, this concept aligns with biblical self-condemnation—a mindset that has no place in a believer’s life:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

Shame accompanies any addiction, but for Christians struggling with pornography or sexual sin, it is especially overwhelming. They often promise themselves and God they’ll never do it again, only to fall back into the same behavior they despise. Each failure deepens their sense of worthlessness, multiplying their shame.

Sadly, many Christians live out of a shame identity rather than their true identity in Christ—as deeply loved children of God. Shame numbs them to God’s love and the truth of their identity in Him, reducing it to mere head knowledge. Self-loathing takes root, and they begin to define themselves by their struggle rather than by Christ’s redemptive work.

This shame drives them to punish themselves for their sins, making them less likely to turn to God for help. It keeps them isolated, hiding in the shadows—from both God and others. Tragically, shame feeds the very negative emotions that many addicts have learned to medicate with pornography.

Pornography uniquely thrives on shame. The brief relief it provides is quickly replaced by even deeper shame afterward, creating a vicious cycle.

This is why Certified Sex Addiction Therapists often identify shame as the strongest root of addiction.

For many Christians, shame becomes the primary reason they deny, minimize, or rationalize their sin. They compare their struggle to where they used to be or where others are, rather than facing the truth. This denial keeps them in the shadows, preventing them from seeking real help.

As long as they avoid reality, true freedom remains out of reach.

Lies I Believe as a Result of Shame:

• I am worthless.
• God is done with me.
• I will never have true freedom.
• I don’t struggle that badly compared to where I was or where I know others are in their struggle.

Truth from Scripture:

• I am made in the image of God and have infinite worth and value (Genesis 1:26-27).
• In Christ, I am chosen, holy, and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12).
• My identity isn’t something I have to earn—it's a gift I’ve received in Christ. He defines my significance, not my struggles.
• Confession is the first step of healing (James 5:16) and how I see the power of God released in my life (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Questions to Help Overcome Shame:

Take a few minutes to think about each question and write down the answers.

1. Do I think my porn addiction defines me or that I am unworthy of love and acceptance?
2. When I feel shame, do I avoid responsibility, isolate, or return to old habits?

Application Steps:

1. Confess

• Confess your sin and step out of the shadows of shame into the light (James 5:16, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

2. Embrace Your Identity in Christ

• Reflect DAILY on what Scripture says about who you are as a child of God. Memorize verses like Romans 8:1 and 2 Corinthians 5:17: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation."

3. Read Scripture

• Read the first three chapters of Ephesians and make note of what a person receives in Christ.