Finding Hope After Hurt

‘Take a look at me, and you’ll see, I’m happy and shiny and as complete as can be.’

It’s almost a song isn’t it. But for a while it was the facade of my life.

A few years ago, I was struggling to navigate some tough life circumstances and found myself very low, depressed and lonely.

It was easier to put on a face and act the part than show people around me the crumbling disco ball that used to be my happy heart.

Yet as I reached out, resisting the urge to self-isolate, that season taught me that not all friendships are equal.

One friend was surface-level fun, but because of the hurt she was carrying, sharing my own sorrows only brought comparison. Comparison that taught me to stuff down that part of my heart and hold my pain to myself.

Looking back with technicolour hindsight and hopefully a little more maturity, I’ve learnt it’s not only about someone’s ability to walk me through a season, but also how kind it is of me to ask them to bear that weight.

Another friend offered distraction from my circumstances, distractions that became more and more destructive, only increasing the depth of my loneliness.

Looking back, if I’m brutally honest with myself – my daily life at the time was riddled with poor decisions that I didn’t want to be called out on. One friend not only encouraged my bad choices, but actively facilitated them, while the other wasn’t able to either offer comfort or call me out when I needed it. My own sin, and unwillingness to cast light on it caused me to stay in that place longer and kept me from the wise counsel of other friends.

The enemy fed me a lie that I was entitled to hold my pain and find comfort where I could.

And I swallowed that lie whole.

Just as Jesus, travelling with the 12 disciples, had a special inner circle of 3, it’s okay to choose your friends (Matthew 17:1, Luke 8:51, Matthew 26:36-38). To invite closer those who can go the distance. Who you can be real with and who will be real with you. Like me, you may get it wrong at times, only realising with hindsight that it’s soured. But let me encourage you – the Holy Spirit can lead you to the community you need.

Even as I walked through one of the hardest times in my Christian walk, the Holy Spirit shone a light. In His grace, the Father brought people across my path, watchmen and shepherds who guided me back towards the right path. Back into safe community. Where I could heal, take correction and even repent where I needed to.

If you can relate to even some of the feelings I've shared today, my prayer is that as you read the verses today that the Holy Spirit will gently help you use them to weigh and measure the friendships around you, remembering that you have a good, good Father who wants good things for your life.