Overcoming Unforgivenessಮಾದರಿ

Why We Struggle to Forgive

People can hurt us in many ways. They can hurt us with their words, actions, and thoughtless oversights, and they can hurt us by not being there when we need them. Not all hurts result in physical scars or bruises, but they can still leave wounds in our hearts and deeply impact our thoughts. If you’re reading this devotional, you probably have wounds and want to know how to help them heal. Retaliating in anger isn’t helping, closing your heart off isn’t bringing peace, and holding a grudge seems to be hurting you more than anyone else.

So, what’s the answer? How can you heal from the pain caused by someone else’s words, actions, or ill intentions towards you? The Bible tells us we need to forgive. This may be the last thing you want to do, but if you’re ready to heal, it’s what you must do.

I won’t lie to you and tell you that forgiveness is easy. It can actually be quite hard. There are two main reasons we struggle to forgive. First, unforgiveness gives us a sense of protection and payback. Second, forgiveness can be misunderstood as letting someone off the hook.

The sense of protection and control made it hard for me to forgive. I had an abusive father, and I used anger to protect myself from him. My heart was filled with unforgiveness and I fostered negative thoughts towards him in my mind. I believed anger would protect me from the effects of his abuse. I thought, “He might pin me down, and he might insult me, but he won’t hurt me. Not anymore.” The anger consumed and imprisoned me. The walls I built to keep pain out also kept out joy, love, and peace. I finally learned that biblical forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook. It doesn't mean trusting them again or letting them sin against you again and again. Biblical forgiveness is surrendering a debt someone owes you; surrendering it to God to be the just judge. God is just and will give consequences for people's actions. Understanding this allowed me to forgive my father and surrender the past to God. In His hands, I knew the pain from the wrong that was done to me could truly be confronted and healed.

You might have a similar story of abuse. I’m sorry if you do*. You might have a totally different story or a different reason for withholding forgiveness. Whatever your story, and whatever your reason, God sees the sin done against you. He doesn’t take it lightly, and it has a price. God is the just judge, and when we understand forgiveness rightly we can experience the freedom and peace that come from moving toward forgiveness. If you’re ready to take that step, start with a commitment to come back to this devotional tomorrow. We’ll talk about what forgiveness is not, and ready ourselves for another step toward healing.

Thought of the Day: My journey towards forgiveness begins today. I will trust God with my hurt, and I will lean on His strength for every step of this journey.

*Note: If you are experiencing abuse, please reach out to someone today. Help is available: (800) 799-7233.