Lent Guide: In the Shadow of Gethsemaneಮಾದರಿ

The cup of loneliness

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. ”An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. - Luke 22:42-44

The cup Jesus had to drink is a lot of things, but firstly, it is the handing over of Jesus to the darkest place of human existence: rejection, loneliness, humiliation, and helplessness.

One of my favourite spiritual writers, Henri Nouwen, writes in one of his books about the loss of his mother. A woman of faith, love, and compassion… she walked with God her entire life. He writes about the last moments before her death, and the story gripped me.

He describes how she was surrounded by friends and family, her loved ones, and with modern medicine, she should have, to our best understanding, been able to die without any pain or struggle. But he writes about her internal struggle. A struggle of the soul. Not because she was in pain but because she felt deserted. She felt like the God to whom she had dedicated her entire life had abandoned her.

Her last moments were filled with doubt, anxiety, sadness, and loneliness. The comfort, hope, love, and peace of God, which she had known her whole life, felt like they didn’t exist. In those moments when she needed God’s presence the most, she felt like He didn’t exist. Nouwen found himself in a place where he himself asked: Why, Lord? Where are You? How can you hide from someone who loves you so much and has always followed you? How can you desert her?

The answer only came later. His mother had prayed to live and die like Jesus… Doesn’t it make sense, then, that she, like Jesus, would have to drink the cup of loneliness?

In my mess, loneliness, turning away from You,

I come with my broken consciousness and return,

Lonely Jesus,

Share my sorrow, desolation, my dust.

(Translated from Afrikaans: K. van der Merwe)

Prayer: I ask for a deep consciousness of Your love and work in my life.