The Proverbs :: A Guidebook for Menಮಾದರಿ

In 1990, the Survey Center on American Life asked over two thousand men to report their number of close friends, not counting relatives. In that study, 40% answered that they had ten or more. Fast forward to 2021, and the percentage of men answering the same question with the same answer is down to 15%. The number of respondents who responded that they had five close friends is down from 68% to 40%, and the group answering that they have no close friends has increased from 3% to 15%.

By and large, the number of lonely men in the world today is increasing, and here’s the danger in that: living a life pleasing to God and abiding by His wisdom is not a solo venture.

Proverbs 12 pays special attention to the qualities of a man, which result in the favor of the Lord and a prudent life. For 11 Proverbs, we’ve turned these qualities inwards, a mirror against which we can view our own lives to measure them truly. And yet…

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

-African Proverb

As men dedicated to living a life that not only starts well but finishes well, longevity can be a daunting or impossible task. Who could stand the test of time? How many men who stood for Godliness eventually succumb to the ways of living that Proverbs describes as clearly leading to demise? Research enough of these tragedies, or experience them yourself, and here is what you will find: lonely men, lacking Christ-centered community, are likely targets for deceit.

The truth is this: friendships can be challenging to establish and hard to maintain. They require vulnerability and a willingness to be honest about your needs, desires, and worries. The level of intimacy necessary to spur one another on in faithful pursuit of a wisdom-filled life is even more so. Perhaps that’s why Solomon warns us to choose our friends carefully at the end of Proverbs 12.

What would your response to that survey mentioned earlier be? If you answered ten or more, can you use Proverbs 12 as a checklist and know that the men you surround yourself with are leading you toward a God-honoring life? Are there relationships you need to adjust? This can be a difficult task, but remember that those men will play a massive part in shaping the direction of your days.

If your answer is less than five or even zero, take heart. Knowing the importance of this kind of community can be the first step towards forming it. Who in your world can you begin to cultivate a Jesus-centered friendship with? Who are you reaching out to weekly? Who are you praying for daily? This is the heartbeat of what we call Fight Clubs at Passion City Church. It’s where a small group of men walk alongside each other and help each other live lives after God’s own heart. Ask God to lead you to this kind of community, and be open to the men He wants to bring into your life. The friendships we need most aren’t always the ones we see coming.

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Father, lead me toward lasting, sharpening friendships. Surround me with men who love You so that I might be a godly influence to those who don’t. Use the men in my life to keep me on Your path. Amen.