The Love Everybody Wantsಮಾದರಿ

“The Order of Loves”

Love is something we all want, so why is it so hard to find? What if it’s because we’re looking for the wrong love, in all the wrong places?

We have mistaken ideas and skewed perspectives about what it means to love and be loved. We often think we are owed love the way the world defines it. But what if there’s a better way? A deeper way?

What if finding the love that deep down we all want isn’t nearly as complicated as we’ve made it? The Bible tells us pretty clearly how love works in Matthew 22:36–39:

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

First and foremost, we must set our hearts right with God, know the depths of his love for us, and believe that his words about us are true. Then comes the often-difficult work of learning to love ourselves. When we get those two relationships where they should be, only then can we start to talk about loving other people, whether that’s cultivating a deep community of friends, better relationships with family, or a romantic relationship—all three of which combine to create a healthy support system.

If you want to use a tried-and-true metaphor, imagine your life as a house. Your relationship with God is the foundation. Your relationship with yourself is the framework and walls. You can’t start adding furniture and decorations before the foundation and walls are in place. I mean, you can try. But you won’t be successful.

When we can learn to see God, ourselves, and others in whole, holy, and healthy ways, our hearts will stop looking for love in all the wrong places. We were made for love, but it takes work to get these loves in order. But believe me when I say it’s possible to know the love of God. It’s possible to love—maybe even like—yourself. And it’s possible to navigate the matrix of relationships with confidence and hope. It’s possible to look out to your future with joy.

Reflect: How does the “order of loves” described in Matthew 22 play out in your own life?

Challenge: On a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, rate your relationship with God, then with yourself, and then with others. Now, rate each relationship where you want it to be.

Prayer: Lord, I repent for taking my desire to love and be loved to other things and people over you. Satisfy me completely and fully with your unfailing love, Lord. Give me the faith to seek you with all my heart first, above everything else. Help me build my life on the foundation of Jesus Christ. In Jesus’s name, amen.